Lets take a ride.

Half - alive

2012-02-12T03:41:00.003+08:00

I'm trying to keep myself alive and i wish that you can come and save me cause I'm standing at the edge. I want to learn what its like to wake up in the morning and not feel sad. I really want to. My mind is just all over the place and i couldn't think of anything else. I hate my good memory, i know i can't take one more step forward cause i'm here, just stuck right here with no where to go. I don't know why life has been unfair towards me, i didn't ask for anything other than being happy. I don't have to be rich, i don't have to own expensive things cause all i want was to search for my happiness. I'm at my lowest point and i know crying wouldn't solve but what do you expect me to do? I need my boyfriend badly, my night is even darker without you when i need you the most, i just wish you were here to put me down to sleep.

Jar of Hearts

2012-02-10T01:07:00.003+08:00

I've yet to mentioned anything about him since my recent updates. Well frankly i didn't realize it until he brought it up. It's not that there's something going on between us, i mean we are doing just fine. Maybe the issues lies within me, its just me. The moment he walk away and say his goodbyes every time we see each other i tend to itch my your heart which is full of insecurities and questions. Fact is, i hate every goodbyes. I want him close, i want him around me but I know that is impossible. I don't get to spend as much time with him due to his working condition, i have to play a part and be a good girl to adapt his working condition. Even on weekends, it somehow upsets me cause my friends have their your life and partner to attend to and weekends are usually the only available time to spend with your loved ones & I have to find something to fill me up. Always.

Besides all that, I'm thankful enough to be able to see him sleeping soundly right beside me. Thankful enough that he makes an effort to meet me without fail before he goes to work. Of cos, i have doubts about his working place and the people around him but then again, if its the best for him. Why not. Right? I love him more each day and it scares the hell out of me when i think about situations like having a misunderstanding or an argument. I know that day will come sooner or later. Whatever it takes, I'm willing to go extra mile just to be with him. Even if i have to give in, i will. (I think?) I have to admit that I'm pretty stubborn at times and people have to listen to what i say but right now its time to give and take(i think?) I can quite Nagy when im upset or angry about somethings and i hope he won't get bored with it.

Can you define love? I believe it would be a 'no'. But i do, if you ask me, whats love? I would answer "HIM". Well that how i see things, i in-cooperate love and him. But still, i couldn't express how much i love him and how much he means to me. He has been my love, my boyfriend, my brother, my best friend, my enemy, you name it. He has been there to listen to all my problems especially with work & with that i would like to thank him for being there each time i needed a listening ear. Thank you once again for being there.

I love you from the bottom of my heart
and nothing could possibly stop me from loving you.

Work is being a bitch, i used to say my job is my second home and i usually spend my days there even on weekends. I used to look forward going to work, waking up with a smile and can't wait to see my kids. Things has change, im sad to say that i have lost interest in my job. That's disappointing for me cause I've always thought this is what i want to do. Not to cure the kids, but to help them. Well actually im disappointed in myself for letting her ruin my interest and passion for the kids. Its killing me to go to work and face her. Doesn't mean you're in a higher position now we have to listen to what you say and you have the rights to shout at us. If you want people to respect you, you have to earn them. Respect your staff, support them not commending on them. It brings you no where if you staff is not able to work with you. Don't be so demanding, everyone makes mistakes, i believe you do too but there's always a way to talk professionally. After all we are working for the same passion, the kids. Be humble. I used to regard you as a friend, a sister at work and i respect you since you're older than me. We used to be close but right after the promotion, we are like enemies.

I'm forcing myself to stay cause i love my children and I've promise myself to give the best i could. If i were to put my resignation letter, it wouldn't be fair for the kids right? Seriously, I'm not at a losing point if i leave, i can adapt myself with a new workplace and that wouldn't be an issue at all. Haiz. I'm having doubts about life now. What shall i do ?

Jambuuuuuu!

2012-02-09T15:30:00.000+08:00

Frust tonggek.

2012-02-08T23:37:00.001+08:00

There's so much frustration going on in life, there's so much in mind to let it out however i just couldn't figure out the proper words to say them. I've been putting my a strong front and a fake smile for the past few days and it feels like im living in a lie. I'm lying to myself. What sadden me the most is when people don't try to put themselves in my shoes. All they could do is talk. I don't wish to say this but i can't run away from what im feeling. Im selfish, self-centered person, anger has overcome my paitience, hot-tempered which i don't show, stubborn, if i say i dont like means i dont like, full of negativity, full of questions and full of insecurities. See! those issues i have is killing me day by day. Imagine my daily life is full of all that? Explaining and telling what happened wouldn't do any good. Will do a proper update when im not having mood swings.

No, i cant take one step forward.

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The road to success is always under construction.

2012-02-04T00:29:00.003+08:00

Hey bloggie, life has been a total bitch for the past few days. I don't even know what happened, like seriously. All of a sudden problems keep coming one after another. Relationship seems kind of rocky i should say. Since the day he committed crime in the relationship up till today, there's always something we are not happy about however I'm glad we manage to pull through and make things right within a day or two.

Yesterday after i end work at night, I met a friend for dinner. I informed him late, only after meeting my friend. But the bottom line is, I don't lie to him and update him whom i was with and where despite the battery of my phone is at critical stage. So there goes, he's not happy and said things which i find them very hurtful, he uses vulgarities on me too. Ouch a thousand time! He mentioned on fb "Love this guy and like that guy" well of cos he was referring to me since we were fighting. The moment i came across that post, my brains were boiling. What on earth was he thinking?

A dinner with a friend can lead to such misunderstanding? Till that extend? He must be out of his mind! How can i fall for someone else when he's the one who has always been there and all i need is him. Friends are one of the main issues in relationship i suppose, but i would rather save my relationship over friendship cause I know that I can make friends but I cannot find someone like him . Sometimes, sacrifices like this is worth it. & I'm willing to give away my friendship for years just for him. Anything that makes him happy.

I've got nothing much to say just praying for each day to be a better day.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

2012-01-31T22:54:00.002+08:00

Bloggie seems a little dead isn't it? I'm at lost of speech over the past few days actually. I was close to giving up on work, maybe still considering if i should give it another shot. There's something within me telling me to stay calm and work with sincerity. I will, but then again its not as easy as it seems. I put 101% into my list of priorities which consists of Family, Boyfriend and my Career. These are the most important people/thing in my life and i would be nothing, i repeat uhh, life would be nothing without them. And as for today, the last day of January, these three had disappoint me in so many ways. One after another. C'mon guys, its just the beginning of the year, how could you do this to me? :(

Life Huh. Full of surprises. When i think of it the negative way, i curse and swear why and what did i do to deserve all this? Why life is so miserable? Why can't I earn the happiness I've been working hard for? Why this and why that. However, when i think about it in a positive way, I'm glad and I thank God for showing me this path cause then i welcome myself to the real world. Nothing last forever. God will not give me something i will never manage, right? Let's talk about work. As simple as : Its killing me. I've been dragging myself to work lately due to some issues at work. Like I've mentioned, i put 101% on my priorities and when people do not appreciate me, it feels like I've been stabbed in the heart. Seriously, i hate people who do not understand the term appreciating what others had done for you. To have put my heart and soul into something isn't easy cause I'm not that type of person who takes things seriously but when i do it, especially now for work and boyfriend, you people better know what's my stand. One wrong move, I'll back off as in give up. I don't wish to go till that extend so please show some co-operation.

I'm so disappointed in one of my student's parent. After all I've done for her son from a non-verbal child to a child who is verbal and could even know how to request for things independently now she lodge a complain about the class having so much kids and lack of man power. Well, it is my fault that there's lack of man power? It is my fault that my class is too big? No. None of that is my fault. I'm pretty upset with the management too. I've been working for 3 years now and still we are lack of man power. Teachers come and go very often and when parents lodge a complain on lack of man power don't put the blame on anyone, they pay the school for a reason,to help their child.I'm willing to help and give my best shot but if its money you are going for, I've got nothing more to say. Ok enough about work. I cooked for boyfriend last week. Believe it or not? I've never cooked for anyone my whole life. I feel happy to feed him with my food after he reached home from work that day. Poor baby, tired and hungry. I'm glad he liked the food. ^^

Ok the end for now. I'm tired. I miss my Hero very much. How i wish i could see him everyday, every night. Huhu! Goodnight world, may February bring much more happiness in my life !

ThreeWords.

2012-01-29T05:18:00.003+08:00


There's so much I wanna say 
Through words I tried to convey. 
Bombastic words and colorful phrase 
I tried to use, but all in vain.
Poems, lyrics, compositions too 
I tried to write all that I feel. 
But nothing beats these simple three words: 
I Love You !

I will, one day.

2012-01-26T18:46:00.003+08:00

To change and change for the better are two different things

Things do not happen. Things are made to happen.

2012-01-24T21:35:00.002+08:00

Hello World.

I'm feeling better than yesterday and will be stronger for tomorrow. Actually I've got nothing to blog about at this point of time. But i guess I've got to say this : Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines. Guidelines to move on and stay instead of giving up. Give up is such a negative thing to think off i think. Isn't it? Anyways, i love Azmeer. Very much and i mean it. Right from the bottom of my heart. Huhu^^ Ok, back to work tomorrow! *yawn* Bye!

Battlefield.

2012-01-24T20:58:00.001+08:00

nightmare, again.

2012-01-24T06:39:00.003+08:00

Just as i thought things has come to an end. I was wrong. Just as i thought he know what right and what's not, i was wrong. Just as i thought he learnt his mistake. I was wrong. I didn't know girls nowadays have the courage to go up to a guy. Weird isn't it? On the other hand, he entertained her. And he said he didn't. Then why and how on earth she know where you're working at? Some people just don't know how to appreciate what's given till they lose them i suppose. Speechless. Nights.

one minute its love and suddenly its like a battlefield.

2012-01-23T05:49:00.005+08:00

I'm glad that everything has come to an end. Not going our separate ways but somehow or rather we manage to talk. Yes, i talked. Wait, I've got to emphasize this; i talked to him nicely. I didn't even raise my voice, shout or re-act like a mad woman over what he have done which cause so much tears. I was calm. After all the hurt and lies, i was calm. Can you imagine that? Well I lied to myself of cos. I look calm physically but deep within me, i'm all shattered and there's no other way to put this in words. Having sleepless nights, wetting my pillow, thinking about why this had happened is really testing me patience. I've been thinking about it through out the day and especially at night when i lay down in bed. I will begin to imagine things, seeing them together and stuff like that. I've forgiven him, but trying to forget it will take some time. A scar can never be erase i suppose.

You know how much it hurts whenever i think about it? Gosh, it hurts real bad that at times giving up came across my mind. I know i shouldn't make any decision in this state cause the pain the really overruling my love for him. We met yesterday,Sunday. It was raining so he was stuck in the rain and i somehow relate the situation to whatever had happened the day before which was he was stuck in the rain with her. We went to KFC to have dinner and it kills me inside to seat on his bike. I was so upset and angry that i wanted to cry. Holding back my tears wasn't easy and told myself not to cry in front of him. I'm so disgusted looking at his bike, i hate it. I repeat, i hate it so much that i feel like scrubbing his seat with detergent!! We ate egg tart and he mentioned that it taste good just like the one in geylang. Again, i relate the situation to the day he went out of camp just to go for supper with her at geylang eating egg tarts. You see, there's so many things reminds me of whatever had happened and I've failed to stay strong. I've got to admit, I'm good at pretending. I'm good at lying about my worries. I'm good at hiding all the emotions which is killing me every second. I'm good in acting to be OK when I'm not. Life is a mixture of feelings and all I'm asking for and looking for is happiness. Is that too much to ask for? The impact was rather too much for me to handle at one go. You didn't even let the old scar to have opportunity to heal. You tore them deeper instead.

I'm sorry and sad to say that you have just lost the trust i had in you. I'm disappointed cause I've never imagine that you could go this far. Please don't blame me if i change, please don't blame me if i treat you differently, please don't blame me if being sarcastic, please just bear with me for sometime and please get me back on track. Its like a battlefield within me & I'm afraid it would tear us down. I'm feeling all insecure and unsure about everything. Sigh. Goodnight.

At bus stop with Ban, wow,

2012-01-21T18:13:00.000+08:00

S(he's) br(ok)en.

2012-01-21T14:10:00.004+08:00

I failed. I've failed to put all my emotions aside, humans. We can't run away from every feeling which is going through in our heart and often when we listen to our heart, it makes us forget about the brains. Despite the arguments, they went out again to supper this time round. And not only from my point of view, they seems like they are getting much closer. There's so much i know yet i there's no point bringing them up. He once said, never hide anything you're unhappy off. Right now I'm telling you, i rather hide them. I don't think she don't have a boyfriend my dear. And how could you go out with your brother's ex-girlfriend? I know you've been lying a bit here and there to cover up your own shit. You can go on cause like this I'm not at the losing end. This is my blog and i have the right to say my worries. You don't have to ask me anything cause I'm through with it. If you think going out with her makes you happier, by all means. Cause it makes me stronger as a person.

It hurts, but you tell me what can i do? Too much saying pisses you off. If i don't say, you'll nag. If i say, you disagree. You tell me how? I'll follow. Maybe letting lose of certain things would be better since we are not officially together? Why not make things easier for the both of us, I've no rights against you and you have no rights against me. How about that? You don't have the rights to get jealous, i don't have the rights to get jealous too. If you feel like texting me, i'll always be there. I won't run, that's for sure. I can wait till you're ready to commit cause I've made up my mind for it will be you for future. I'm just putting a stop to what mess you've gotten us into. I can hop on to my friend which is a guy bike, i can go out with my guy friend, my guy friend can say those inappropriate jokes to me and you have no rights to say anything. Do you want that Azmeer? Do you really want that to happen? Put aside our gender, doesn't mean you're the man you can do anything as and when you like. And doesn't mean i'm the girl i can't to do this and that. After all we are humans. Both have feelings be it good or bad.

I asked you yesterday. If its okay if were to be at the back seat of my guy friend. You had some curiosity didn't you? You even said you would try to put the jealous feeling away. What is the possibility that you'll get jealous? More than half of your heart would say you'll get jealous. What the the probability that you would get upset, half i tell you. Azmeer, jealously is an evil monster in relationship and it takes a lot of courage to overcome that. No matter how much you try to put that aside, you'll fail. I can't lie to myself and say I'm not jealous when my heart is already broken into pieces. And even if you explain and tell me how much you love me everyday, it won't determine how much you mean them by doing this. Why are you doing this when I'm here missing every second spent with you? I've never fail to look forward to the day you will be meeting me and even if at the end of the day you tell me you won't be able to meet me, i'll always be waiting. And only to found out you met her. Don't be self-centered and think only from your point of view. Everything i do, every move i make i never fail. i repeat, i never fail to spare a thought about you and your feelings. Sometimes i wonder, why am i doing this when you're not?

I would appreciate if you could cooperate with me and tell me how you want things to be. Can?

I miss you when something good happens, because your the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because your the one that understands me so well. I miss you when i laugh and cry, because i know that your the one that manes my laughter grow and tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but i miss you the most when I lay awake at night, and think about all the wonderful times that we spent with each other for those were some of the best and most memorable times of my life. I love you, no matter what it takes to be in my position.

Tonight, stay with me.

2012-01-19T23:01:00.005+08:00

You and I know what it's like to be kicked down

Forced to fight
But tonight we're alright
So hold up your lights
Let it shine
Cause this one's for you and me, living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
lift my arms out wide I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters

I sat back and played all our pictures from day one back in September the 17 last year. I don't know whether to cry or to smile. Looking at how much we have grown just by few months really amazed me. I mean, it took years for us to come to this and growing together with him makes me feel complete. I'm blessed to be loved by him. And with that, it makes me realize that I think I've put myself in a situation which i shouldn't. To give this relationship a high expectations was a wrong move. To put a hundred percent hope was another wrong move. To expect no arguments was the worst. Everything was smooth, everything was good and everything went well thus making me feel like we will not argue to the extend. I was wrong, i didn't prepare myself. I didn't tell myself to control each and every emotions running in my fragile heart.

Well frankly, I'm a very selfish person and what's mine, is mine. I hate sharing. But then again, if i were to remain like this, things wouldn't get any better. Jealously is overrunning my love towards him. I get jealous easily. I can't help it, I'm sorry. If you love me, please bear with me. Maybe i need time to open up on certain things. Give me some time to get use to things. Our very first argument is a lesson learnt at the same time i know what to expect the next time round. Grabbing me and pushed me scares the hell out of me. The moment he raised his voice gave my heart a jump and i totally switched off. I had flashbacks and traumatized over what happened back then with that bloody hitter. I was abused once and had bruises the worst part was tumbling down the stairs. That's why i hate arguments, i don't wish history to repeat and after our first argument, i think i can somehow see what might happen in the future.Anyways, I know we can't run away from a problem cause every problem has its solution its just how we deal with each and every one of it.

Speaking about being selfish, I've come to a point that i shall back out from all the emotional disturbance. Well as long as he loves me as much as i love him, i think that's fine with me. It takes a lot of courage to have to come this this point you know! But for you lah, anything lah! One of my secrets of life is to be happy always. And in order to be happy always, i want to see him happy. If he's happy, I'll be more than happy to live.

Azmeer Baby, I just want you to know that I'm willing to go through every thick and thin, every ups and downs and everything else which matter as long as we remain together. I love what's more and what's less about you, you are my pillar of strength and yet my weakness. You are my reason to wake up every morning just to read your messages and at look our picture will determine a smile on my face without fail. Thank you for being a part of me, I love you so much.

Heart is in the blender.

2012-01-18T22:30:00.002+08:00

You know what got me so upset that i flared up? It was a second hand news, i wasn't told about anything and i found out myself. You know why i know something fishy is going on? Cause you change, you didn't text me. You replied me late, which you never do. I sense a change all of a sudden causes my hand to itch and check it out myself since you're not telling. Only to found out a picture of you on the bike with someone else. Azmeer, please try to put yourself in my shoes. If I were to change all of a sudden as in i didn't text you and reply you late and the next thing you found picture of me on someone's else bike. How would you feel? Crushed isn't it ? I bet you would make some assumptions and having that negative thought. Trust me, we are humans we ought to react that way upon seeing such things. Now you have to understand my situation why i got really upset and nagged at you.

You were supposed to meet me that day, you didn't. Didn't even bother to inform me and kept me in the dark through out the day. That's another thing that's making me upset. Its minor, i know. But how many times must i repeat myself that i hate changes? We argued other the phone through messaging and seriously i freaking threw my phone. The more i talk to you the more i feel like smashing things. You don't understand. You don't understand why I'm upset. And the way you reply me makes me feel like there's nothing wrong and you were not at fault making it my fault instead. When i asked why you didn't tell me. You said "should i?" I felt like as if you were stabbing me in my heart a few times. You know how much hurt you've caused? I know you've said so much that i think I've fallen into it. You've been telling me that there shall be no secrets between us. It seems like words are just words. Whatever you said, whatever you told me ends there. Azmeer, I've never lied or betray you ever since we started seeing each other cause I would never want to lose you ever again and i would try my very best not to break your heart. I did my part. Did you?

I don't know if its just me being too sensitive upon such things or its okay to be saying those words to a friend and the reason you gave was it was just a joke. I don't find it a joke, i find it inappropriate. & again put yourself in my shoes, won't you be angry if a friend of mine whom you don't know say such things to me? I bet you would right? See Azmeer, things are not complicated. You are the one making things complicated by refusing the accept the facts that what you did may be something minor but you didn't think of how it actually hurt the other party. I've told you so many times, to avoid an argument and save this unnamed relationship, before you do anything, think the other way round, What if I'm the one doing, how would you react and what will happen. It helps, really.

I was glad that you came so that we could quickly clear the mess we've made. But things get even nastier isn't it? Let me just ask you this. Why did you come? To settle things and talk right? What did you do the moment we lay in bed? You starting kissing me. We are in the middle of an argument you didn't say a word and kissing me instead. That adds on to why i got pissed off. Partly it was my fault for answering you that way. I know i shouldn't. Sorry honey. Today seems a bit better although it was still the same in the morning.

I hate aftermath of an argument since it takes so much time to cure and to be back as per normal. I had 21 hours of not eating and sleeping. Wonder woman or what? I went to the doctor and he nagged at me for having such a swollen eye and gave me sleeping pills. He usually won't give them to me though. I went to ION alone with shades in the shopping center due to ugly eyes. I feel so relax having some time on my own to just clear things off. I felt so much better. I have a new way of releasing stress, walk alone and spend some money since i no longer smoke.

I think I've said enough, things are back to normal. Thank God. & of cos, i love him and will always love him like I've always do <3

Its your call.

2012-01-18T03:28:00.003+08:00

Cubit nak?
via Facebook for BlackBerry® smartphones

- Gigit nk ? ((:
  Monday at 11:13pm via mobile ·
  
  Guys with brain cells which are working, would you ever post something like this on someone's girlfriend fb? Or worst, your friend's girlfriend's Fb? No right? Don't you find it inappropriate?
  
  My instinct were right. Something is wrong somewhere. I log in into his account and saw a picture of him on the bike with someone else at the back instantly crushed my heart into pieces. Well according to him its his friend. He didn't tell me that he's going out or what so ever. Despite all that, he doesn't seems to be sorry at all. He thinks its a joke? The more i talk to him, the more heart breaking it is. I can't go to sleep in this situation. I'm out of here. He said i was the one who played the game. I simply don't get it.Screw it la. What's the point thinking so much when he don't even give a damn.

Dearest Azmeer,

2012-01-17T18:57:00.002+08:00

Love is such a two face bastard isn't it? Love may turn out to be the most beautiful thing in the world and somehow, minutes of argument turns love into an evil Medusa. Like I've mentioned, If you know me well you would probably take note that I hate changes. And i see that coming from you since yesterday. The moment you didn't look out for me and didn't text-ed me or even replied me few hours later it makes me feel like I'm not there. I mean, it never happened before. You've always been texting me and replying me on time. See the change? OK la, maybe yesterday was just me. You had some stuff to do and was busy but at least tell me, don't keep me in the dark. I even text-ed you that its OK if you're feeling lazy to come over, you didn't come and you didn't inform me. Late at night when i fall asleep, you said you were sorry and will meet me today. But you didn't and don't even bother to inform me.

I didn't receive any massages from you since morning till I myself made the first move to text you. You would always text me when you're awake, didn't you? I text-ed again only to know that you were outside at the bank. I didn't know you are heading out and I didn't even know that you're not working today. What is going on here? I didn't mention my worries or anything and in fact i told you ''i love you''. You would usually replied i love you too but today was different. You said ''i don't sweet talk, nak bebual ngn matrep, they have lots in their mouth" You know how much my heart crushed when i read that? I'm not even asking you to sweet talk and all I'm asking for is you to reply me like you always do. I don't know what on earth is happening. You asked i was acting weird and when i tried to say my worries you flared up and said you were simply lazy to entertain this. So now you tell me what am i suppose to do? And up to now, there's no massages from you. Dragging this won't work and i shall just wait till you're ready to talk.

You know Azmeer, sometimes i really don't know where i stand and what are your expectations of this unnamed relationship. I know I'm not your girlfriend and maybe I don't have the rights to be doing all this. So you tell me where I stand please? And come on, don't do this to me. My dear, I'm not asking you to text me every minute to report. I'm only asking you to tell me your whereabouts so that i won't be thinking so much worrying about your safety and all. You know how much i love you and how much i worry if you don't reply me. Awak tu bawak moto, mesti lah saye risau sangat sangat bile awak tak reply saye. Please understand that.

I looked at all our photos and i realized how happy i was having you by my side and I don't know how life would be without you. I'm sorry if i was overreacting, I'm sorry if i was rude or harsh towards you. I really didn't mean to do that. Today is the 4th and whatever happens today is just the beginning. Probably a minor misunderstanding on my part. Arguments are part and parcel of this unnamed relationship but nothing would stop me from loving you. I love you with all my heart and i miss you so much. Please don't change, I can't bear having arguments or even accepting changes which I don't prefer. Once again, I'm sorry to be the cause of it.

Things do not change; we change.

2012-01-17T15:15:00.003+08:00

Today remarks the forth month we have been seeing each other. I don't know if i should see things going fast or slow. Well, frankly I'm in no mood to blog about this. I hate changes and i don't know how many times I've been repeating this my whole life. Even minor changes upsets me. I don't give a damn if you think I'm being ridiculous cause this is me. This unnamed feeling is overruling me, i sense boredom, i sense changes, he doesn't look for me or text me like he also do and its irritating to feel the changes cause maybe I'm used to having him texting me. Screw it la, my brain cells are dead. Despite whatever, i love him like I've always do.

the issue lies within me ;

2012-01-16T23:26:00.001+08:00

I'm physically and mentally drained out today and im down with fever, cough and super bad running nose! Its driving me nuts and im irritated by it. Stop smoking isnt easy especially going through this fucking stage. I feel like giving up. (Macam nak nanges seh) I feel so bloody weak and causing my brain cells to stop working. Pissed off with everyone around me for no bloody reason too. And him on the other hand is not replying or texting me. I hate it when it happens cause you jolly well know that im not being a busybody or whatsoever but at least update me your whereabouts cause i bloody care and im fucking worried if im being kept in the dark. Tomorrow remarks the 4th and will do a proper update. As for now, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

I is upset.

2012-01-13T01:04:00.002+08:00

I'm still outside on a weekday. Which is so not me. i was tired and felt weak after a long day at work that i took cab home and went to bed right away after saying hello to panadols. I woke up about 20minutes later and dashed to the toilet and vomited. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know if its the side effect of not smoking. But whatever it is its killing me.

He came over to my place and we headed to town. And after which he wanted to wash his bike. I was like 'okay' didnt expect things to turn out like this. I mean things were draggy and i couldn't take it any longer. Again, its all about him and his friends. Da malas nak cakap. Tak paham paham jugak. Ah kan dah bobal melayu. Despite telling him that i want to go home, he insists of going out to eat with his friend. how irritating can that be. I came to an extend i shut down right in front of him. i feel bad but sorry lah couldn't simply take it. i didn't mean to start the fire. Sigh.

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I am the captain of my soul.

2012-01-11T22:35:00.006+08:00

I'm freaking tired and having fever. With my new schedule, i feel like I'm dragging myself to work. My new class is giving me headache with kids throwing things, head banging, spiting, flooring, shouting, screaming and crying ( i hate most ). Gosh, every time i think of it, it kills me mentally and physically. My body seems to go dead on me by the time i finish both classes. Second class is not so bad actually, more manageable compared to the morning 3hr session. But still, i shall keep going since its just the beginning. Sigh. Dear Kids, please be good.

Yesterday, we went to lau pa sat for dinner. Waited for the damn mee hoon goreng but it didn't reach me. Grr. By the time i munch on the satay i got myself filled up. We head of to Vivo after which to go walk walk. We acted like kids playing at the fountain outside vivo and was caught by a lady who offered us a promotion on some massaging thingy, we took it and continued our journey. We sat for a little chit chat and picture taking before going back. I've been asking myself' from day one what are we and it was answered by him. Well, i suppose that's how things would be.

I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad. Perhaps there is just a touch of yearning at times; but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers. I took some time but now I accept myself and create peace in my mind and heart. I now choose to free myself from all destructive fears and doubts. I am loved and I am safe.

''Sebenarnya mudah mengambil hati wanita kerana apa yang dia mahu hanyalah perasaan dicintai dan disayangi sepenuh jiwa.''

Monday was green.

2012-01-09T22:35:00.002+08:00

Today remarks a special day with love since we've not been seeing each other for a week. He came over to my workplace to fetch me (right in front of my school and there goes, fellow colleagues came to know about it and started their boo-hoo) Anyways, we went straight home and waited for the rain to stop before going to kallang leisure park. It was my visit to that place actually. Well the plan was go ice skating(i dont know how). But we end up playing bowling.

I had a sudden flash back while eating my bandito pocket without lettuce. Few years back, i went ice skating with him and we had kfc too. Haha! That was my first ice skating and next time round with the same person. Pretty awesome ahh. I had fun bowling with him and i won two games! He won the last game, well i gave face to that silly boy la. Went to meet his mate(-.-'') and home sweet home. Now seriously i hate parting with him! I hate the feeling of missing him again!

Ok bye.

once upon a time ;

2012-01-09T00:44:00.001+08:00

I feel like dying my hair black, seriously quit smoking, no more touching those drinks or even go to club(maybe) Its a sin going there but i just want to dance.Cannot also right?. I don't know what has gotten into me but i suppose its a good thought. isnt it? Its about time to change la huh Mirah. Enough of all these junks which only bring harm to life. I don't want to just say this but i will make this happen. Insyaallah.

Its gonna be a short post since its rather late and ill be working in 5hours time. Why do weekends flies like no body's business? Anyways, im looking forward to meet my dearest prince! Gosh, im all anxious and too excited to go to bed! I just want to hug him so bad! Finally the wait is over, yay!

Alright, will update a proper one soon. Dear World, i want you to know that im deeply in love with Azmeer<3 Goodnight!

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Looking forward to see you baby.

2012-01-08T01:47:00.005+08:00

I've realized something, i think i'm very in fact too comfortable with him that i would do almost anything. I've never go swimming, ice skating, karaoke, sending pictures through whats-sap every now and then, take a video of myself saying I love him so much with any of my ex-boyfriend before.However with him, there's always the first time.

You know, it feels good to behave like yourself and don't have to be shy or pretend that you are someone else. And the most wonderful thing is, he loves me as much still even when i conquer the bed at night or snore like a pig. Hahahaha! To wake up next to him is the greatest gift cause he never fails to say '' Hi Sayang'' I love it when he says that,I love it when he calls me by pampered names like baby, sayang, princess well expect for elephant which he always disturbs me. He's such a big bully at times. And yes, i like his reaction every time i touch his stomach. So sexy, ops!

Anyways, I'm counting down to tomorrow cause i'll be meeting him! It kills to be missing him, i think of him at almost whatever I'm doing especially when i'm on bed. He appears every time i close my eyes, now that makes it difficult to get to bed and i will most probably end up sleeping as late as 3 or 4am and working few hours after. See what love can do? It kills time! Even if i could meet him for just a minute, i would. There's nothing beautiful compared to see him smiling.

I miss Muhammad Azmeer. I miss Muhammad Azmeer.

Terima Kasih Cinta ;

2012-01-07T01:32:00.006+08:00

Genap empat hari aku tak bertemu dengan si dia. Hati ini terasa sunyi sekali tetapi erti merindui adalah tanda kasih dan sayang, kan? Rindunya aku terhadap si dia tak dapat aku gambarkan. rindu pada belaian cintanya bukan dengan sentuhan tetapi sekadar perasaan yang tak akan bisa aku luahkan. Rindunya aku pada suaranya, tawarnya. yang menjadi semangatku, yang pernah menggoncang emosi dan yang telah mencair kerasnya hatiku ini. Rindu ini yang menyeksakan aku tapi juga membahagiakan aku. Aneh kan sesama bercinta? Kadang kala ia membuat ku keliru dan meningalkan seribu satu persoalan dan setiap kali aku mencoba untuk mencari jawapannya, aku gagal. Aku hanya dapat jawapan yang sama yaitu "Mengenalmu adalah suatu anugerah, Menyakitimu adalah suatu larangan, Mendampingi hidupmu adalah suatu kebahagiaan dan Meninggalkanmu adalah suatu kebodohan"

Reality are better than dreams.

2012-01-05T00:29:00.001+08:00

Its funny how a person thinks that without love life isnt complete. But if you look at at your sweetheart, actually love is part of life and it is incomplete without him isnt it? Well thats how i see things. I just hang up with him. A day without hearing his voice or receive any msg from him i will feel incomplete whats more of not having him as my lover. Despite the distance, everytime i talk to him ill be on cloud nine. Very pleased, blessed and happy. I wonder what will happen and what ill be doing if fate didnt bring us back.

We spoke about life and future. Again, about "what if" and "lets say" something were to hit us. We can plan and take into consideration but in real life situation things would be different. I've never seen him turning into a hulk neither him seeing me change into a mad woman. We dont know how we will react and im asking for it to happen like what we say in malay "setiap ape kite cakap adalah doa" but somethings are meant to be. Whatever it is, i will always pray for this relationship to be a success. He came up with an idea of going to a marriage course which i think it will be good for us. Im excited about it cause right now being a year older, future planning is very important. Financial wise, i think its about time to save up for marriage cause i want to make sure that im going to have a marriage that i will not forget for the rest of my life. If everything goes as plan, ill be engage in 2013 (excatly a year to save up) and within two years time ill be someone's wife so in total of four years to save up. 4 years is not that long, i always tell myself that time files and we are chasing after time. So life isnt a joke afterall, time is precious. I rather have a tight budget now than to suffer later. Dear future husband,Can we like open a shared account and start saving every month? Actually im scared, scared of having a difficult life after marriage. I want things to go smoothly, not rich but just right. I don't need a big house, i don't need a rich man all im asking for is a wise man with responsibilities.

Before i end my post for the day i would just like to share something. Never in my 20 years of living im taking life seriously. I really come to a point in life that soul searching is done, career is stable and on top of that God had answered my prayers of looking out for happiness. Life is beautiful, you just have to be paitient cause God would'nt give you something which you won't handle.

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Eyes always tells the truth.

2012-01-03T00:32:00.001+08:00

I'm suppose to go to sleep cause tomorrow would be a brand new day in school. Two new class, new kids and teaching for 5hours non-stop. So kids, please be good. No tantrums or head banging ok? Work timing has been changed from 730am to 130pm which means i need to get up as early as 5.30am. I'll also be staring a new job at tanjong pagar tomorrow. Will be working in the office from 3pm to 8pm and after which ill be teaching tuition. What a long tiring day isnt it? Wish me luck for this new beginning.

Boyfriend and i watched ombak rindu just now. It was a two thumbs up movie. I cried of cos. It really shows a true life story and their acting was good. It really moved me to tears. I want to watch it again!

We went to marina barrage after the movie. I had a good laugh but it didnt last. The moment i sat right in front of him watching him smile and telling me he's deeply in love with me tears started flooding. As much as i wanted to control this emotion,i failed. I became so scared, i was asking myself if whatever is happening will come to an end or things will change in the future. I hold him tight and cried, i didnt even care about anything. I cried my heart out as i couldnt hold it back any longer. He told me to be strong and be prepared for things to turn out the other way. Seriously, im not ready. Not even ready to have a fight with you, not even ready to bear the pain upon whatever is going to happen. I hate changes. I've got to confess something, i give up easily especially when someone i love breaks my heart. Thats the reason why im so scared. Im scared that i couldnt take or overcome the situation. Despite whatever, i just want him to know that my love for him is nothing but the truth and i won't ask for anything i dont need any presents, i dont need anything from him cause he as a person is already giving me my happiness so long as he loves me whole heartedly i would do anything, anything to save the boat. Love and relationship means nothing without arguements, that i have to agree and face the fact. Insyaallah everything will go smoothly as long as we listen to our heart. That is all that matters. I cried to bed hoping to see life with a clearer view from tomorrow and i wont let my fears over rule my heart. Good night.

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Never frown because you never know who might be falling in love with your smile ;

2012-01-01T17:51:00.003+08:00

Firstly, Happy New Year. A brand new year with excitement and more obstacles to overcome. And I've mentioned, i'll be a good girl. Shall stop both drinking and smoking. Its not easy but i hope i can mange it bit by bit especially the smoking. I need to get back in shape as well, so despite having a busy schedule this year i will have to find some time to at least jog for 30 minutes everyday and of cos no more junk food everyday. I need to lose at least 5kg! I'll be busy with work, work and work. Holding a total of 3 jobs plus school at night. I'm not really sure if i can cope but i have to do it for myself, my future. I want to earn as much and save them for future. I want to prepare for my own marriage and future in years to come. Its early, i know. But time flies remember? So Jyeah, that's my 2012 resolution. Oh one more ! To love Azmeer more and more as each day passes by.

Secondly, we had a heart to heart talk and i think i need to let loose of certain things. Its not that easy especially when it involves girls and jealousy. But then again, I can't be selfish to have him for myself. He have girlfriends, i have boyfriends too but the way we describe friends are different i suppose. My friends and i are close but we don't go to the extend of touching here and there, putting hand around the shoulder unless talking picture which i think its kind of normal? Its the other way round in his situation, too close. Of cos, i would feel insecure and full of curiosity. However, i need to trust him, So now its really up to him how he wants to describe the term of friends. Its heartbreaking but i know ill get use to it one day. And if he happens to betray me one day, I've got nothing to say. I will bear the pain cause he means the whole world to me and he makes the ride worthwhile. We can't predict the future. I might never know i were to be the one betraying him. I don't know. But i would never let that happen, never let myself do it. I have him everywhere, on my desk, dressing mirror, phone, wallet and most importantly his image is always in my heart. Just by looking at him gives me a strong cue to remind myself that he is there and no one else is capable of replacing him. Now that's how i would stay out of trouble to ensure its a smooth sailing journey, But let say, i really happen to cheat on him, i would get back on track. Trust me. As much as i want him for myself, i will make sure i bloody stay away from trouble. Mark my words. Oh wait, action speak louder than words. So look and smile.

Thirdly, countdown wasn't that exciting. I countdown alone in a place with strangers. At that point of time i asked myself what n earth am i doing here. New year, new life but i was there. I met my man after which ad we went back together. We didn't get to celebrate the brand new year together but that's ok, I'm glad to know he loves me. He says iloveyou 10 times per day and each time he says that my heart would be dancing. I won't get bored of it, in fact I'm loving it. To wake up next to him feels like a dream come true. I like to watch him sleep and hear him snore he look so cute, so silly. Hey baby, do you see future in us? I do, I'm seeing a bright future in us. I'm excited and looking forward on how our future will turn out to be. I'm worried at the same time but i know we will manage. Right?

I love you, Azmeer.

I cry, sometimes cause i just need to see life with a clearer view :'(

2011-12-30T22:21:00.005+08:00

I seriously don't know what has gotten into me. Like seriously, i was drunk. I repeat, drunk. I usually don't torture myself to this extend but its irritating when you're upset with someone you love/care for and have been supporting and that someone just don't know the meaning of appreciation. It hurts, real bad.

I'm really fuming mad, upset and disappointed.

Furthermore, there's nothing i could do cause i know that someone will rebel. I'm in a difficult situation. When i drank last night, all i could think of was to give that someone a punch. I kept on drinking to get rid of the thought. Stress is really killing me.

And of course, the first think that came to mind was my dearest boo. I just needed him to be there. Need him so much that he came down, I'm sure he was upset to see me in that situation and when he walked away right in front of me leaving me seating by the edge of the road, i got real scared. I was high but when he did that, i stood up right away begged him not to go. Gosh, it was crazy. I could feel my heart being smashed. I can't afford lose him, not anymore. He means the whole world to me. I literally cried and begged him not to leave me. I don't know why and i can't explain how scared i was at that point of time.I could feel the lost, i could feel my heart crying out, i could feel the pain of not having him around. I've never react that way before, i was just scared. I've never feel something so strong that it cause me to react that way.

Despite telling him i need him, he was still thinking about his friend. Friends, friends, friends. It pisses me off when he mentioned that i ruined his plans. You know how hurtful it was? It was heart breaking. It makes me feel like his friends was more important and i was nothing. Imagine with such situation friends was still on his mind? How annoying. I raised my voice at him and was rude, I'm sorry honey i was pissed of and had not intention to shout at you. Its always about his friends, day off with friends, go out with me with friends. Well c'mon, i need some quality time with him too. You know how much i want to spend time with him, all the time. I wish i could do that but i know its not possible. Maybe i just love him so much that I'm being overprotective and over reacting. I'm sorry, just couldn't help it. Maybe its just me, maybe im asking for so much. I really don't know. But all i asked for is to be with him when he have the time. I know and i totally understand that he needs sometime to be with friends too but still.. i can't help it. Ok, lets just get a hold of myself.

Baby,

I'm sorry if i've ever hurt you in anyway.

I'm sorry for every single mistake i've done.

I'm sorry if i was once rude.

I just want you to know that

i love you from the very bottom of my heart and i promise that

i would put my heart and soul into this to make things work.

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you i had no control over.

2011-12-28T12:47:00.008+08:00

I just woke up about an hour ago, I'm on leave that's why I'm up pretty late. You must be wondering why I'm blogging at this hour. I don't know either, i just feel like blogging. Something beautiful happened in my dreams. I just talked about getting engage in my previous post and it came to my dream. Did i like think much about it? Maybe kind of excited about it that's why it appeared in my dreams.

He was there in my dreams, making me feel like a queen on the very day of our engagement. Everyone was there too. The funny part is, he came over to my place without wearing shoes. I don't have any freaking idea on how that happened but it was funny for sure. I don't even know how to describe this beautiful dream of mine in words. It was too wonderful to be in that situation and when he kissed my forehead and whispered in my ears how much he loves me, tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn't even say anything. I was stuck right there feeling so happy. I know its just a dream.

Everything seems good. But what happens when something hits us. I don't know if we are strong enough to handle things and i'm scaring myself now. I'm scared, scared of losing him. Scared of putting all these back down. I mean i'm not mentally prepared to lose him or to have something real hard to hit on us. Relationship don't smile forever, it gives a sad face too but i think its really up to us on how we would manage things. Being honest with each other would be a great start and not keeping things from each other. I'm doing just fine, i share every single thing with him and i've got no secrets to hide from him. Actually, it feels damn good to be honest and sincere in relationship cause you know its save. I put my heart and soul in this knowing the fact that he will be the only one who is capable to bring joy in my life.

Sexy, let me just thank you for everything. Thank you for all the love and care you showered me with. Thank you for standing by me when i need you the most. Thank you for treating me like a princess. I feel secure whenever I'm with you. Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, i can only hope my eyes will speak my heart. I used to say one will create his own destiny. But words are vain when you're in love. My heart goes crazy whenever i see you. So never put into question, my feelings being true because I have found my one and only, and will always love you.

something within me;

2011-12-28T00:34:00.004+08:00

He insists of getting engage on 17 September 2013. I wanted it to be on my birthday you know! Anyways, Wow. Tralala. Engage seh! I mean, like seriously? I'll be 22 by then, life goes pretty fast isn't it? I can't imagine myself being engage and getting married having my own family with kids. Haha. Life would be very different but of course getting married to my ideal man would be a dream come true.

Its been years since i know him and its funny the way we met. Didn't expect things to go this far initially but thanks to Friendster. Old school huh. Yeah, it was friendster back then. Our journey wasn't smooth sailing and we went through a lot of ups and downs i must say. But look at us now, i think we have a long way to be what and how we wanted things to be. I think I've come to a point in life that I'm happy with myself and how life is with his presence. I hope this would last cause i know there's no one like him and no one would understand me like he do. Giving me all sorts of happiness which i yearn for these years.

2012 is just around the corner and as i change for the better i wish a new beginning to our journey leaving all the past and let bygones be bygones . Shall focus on what's going to happen in future giving 101% commitment in this relationship would be something i would do as so to keep it moving. I know i shouldn't put any high hopes as we can't predict the future but somehow I'm pretty confident this time round. I'm sure he's sincere and he knows how to take care of this fragile heart, right sweetheart? This is the best feeling and i will hold on to it so please, don't let it pass -by. Its so beautiful, so perfect that sometimes it makes my want to cry. You know, every time i lay on bed i think about the way he talks to me, smile at me, hold my hand and hold me close it immediately puts a smile on my face. Its funny when you're in love and it means the whole world to you cause all you do is to think about him, isn't it?

Hey sexy, i love you with all my heart and will always do.

ps: he just said ''awak lawa giler'' & ''im so lucky to have a hot pretty soul mate''

( awwww, no one ever said that to me, see! how can i not love him. So adorable, like fishball)

Ok goodnight.

One & only ;

2011-12-27T00:00:00.002+08:00

I blog with pictures today cause today was a little different. He didn't ride, we go public and so everyone knows I'm deeply in love with him. HAHA! There was so much to talk, laugh and smile through out the day, held on to each other's hand for the longest time, putting his hands around me and giving me those lovely kisses which i forever long for all the time. Met him at Bedok and head off to Expo after which he followed me to Jalan Besar stadium to meet my family and watch a match from cousin. Thank you love for tagging along. We went to bugis with his mates before saying our goodbyes for the day. Ok thats all for today. Short and simple and lazy but whats important, i had a great day with my man today. I LOVE MY SILLY BOY VERY MUCH, Nights!

2011-12-26T02:06:00.003+08:00

Its 2am and I'm still fresh awake munching on chips with red-bull which is keeping me fully awake. Preparing worksheets for class as well. I'm almost done with everything and ready for a new class next year. I've not been blogging for the past few days cause i lost my internet broadband only to find out that lil bro put it in the vase -.-'' So, life has been pretty much the same still deeply in love with Muhammad Azmeer and falling in love over and over again everyday and will never get bored of it. ^.^

He's working right now and will knock out at 6am. Was suppose to go out but he slept like a fat fat fat pig and so i didn't get to see him and i hope i will get to see him later if he's not tired laa. I'm gonna do my hair and pamper myself with medicure and pedicure. Speaking of that, we went shopping on Saturday and it was the very first time i had someone to company me to do some shopping. Cause i usually do it alone. I was a funny moment but I'm loving every second of his company. What's there without having him around ?Whenever he's with me, i feel like the world belongs to me, and nothing else matters. Somehow, someday, sometimes i feel like I'm the only girl in the world cause he treats me like one. That has been a dream since back then and it came true. Yes, it did. Its like a fairy tale and what you see in movies and when i do some flashbacks i know I'm not living in my own world cause its really happening. I don't care about the past or future cause what really matters is whatever is happening right now. I call him my someone special cause he never fails to put a smile on my face no matter what mood I'm in. I don't know why but even when I'm pissed at him over something, his presence would immediately put a smile on my face. How can i be angry at him when he look so silly at times?

Dangs, 1 day without him feels like forever. I don't even know how to put these missing him feeling into words. Okay, i shall get back to work. Muhammad Azmeer, I love you ok? (:

less means more ;

2011-12-21T01:07:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, i love ban dong.
Today, i love Muhammad Azmeer.
Tomorrow, i love chicken little.
Forever, i love the three above.

Goodnight.

posted from Bloggeroid

Missing my sexy boy :'(

2011-12-20T00:45:00.001+08:00

Good thing that my internet broadband is spoilt. Due to no internet connections i finished all my paper work. Scheme of work, lesson plan for a month, documents and teacher parents conference is over too! Now all i have to do is to prepare teaching materials for next year. I'll be on leave for four days next week and i shall pamper myself with retail therapy. I won't spend much
though, maybe 1k. Chey! Like as if im a CEO. Must save up for future so half of my pay is going into my saving accounts. Its not as easy to just press and transfer it always takes me sometime cause to think of it that money can shower me lots of love for the day. Now thats ny point. A day. So might as well save it cause the more i save.. paris will come to me! (right Muhammad Azmeer? You better save up too!) Muahahaha. Goals achieved this year! Did went to perth in August. Next year, ill be heading to Hong kong i hope! Really want to get a feel of hong kong disneyland. (Have yet to try USS and im talking about hong kong) Its ok to dream big you know, cause to me thats my motivation. Oh wait, ive got one more goal to achieve this year. Which is to quit smoking-.-'' not easy leh. But i know i can and this time round im not being macam paham its for real. Or else not only my mum would nag.. my Muhammad Azmeer would also nag and trust me he's worst than my mum. Ops!

I've got things lined up fo 2012. Insyallah its going to be brand new beautiful year which im looking forward to especially with the presence of my sexy love. I hope its going to be a good year for my family, myself and us. Career wise im quite settled down. I've choosen this path so i shall stick to it. Just have to work extra hard to earn as much as i can. Money may not be the root of happiness but it gives to the strength and it is important. isnt it?

Its going to 1am pretty soon. And my naughty sexy love is still outside. His backside very itchy i suppose. Always going out and head home late even on weekdays! not tired meh? Im going to bed now. goodnight and sweetdreams. and of course i wont finish without saying this ;

I LOVE MUHAMMAD AZMEER <3

posted from Bloggeroid

Sunrise.

2011-12-19T02:07:00.001+08:00

Dear bloggie,
I hope you 're not bored with my stories about him. I means who else i can turn to besides you. I shared every single thing which happened in life be it good or bad. That's why ive been keeping this blog for years. The best place to share both your happiness and problems.

I went over to ecp with mates on Saturday night. Had a good chat and laugh through out their silly jokes however deep within me was still him. I find it weird at times. It happens in school too. Imagine, im teaching while writing on the board and all of a sudden he came to mind. In fact, i do think of him every now and then. Anyways, my sexy love actually came over to ecp once he knocked out from work at about 6am. I bet he was damn tired. Initially i didnt want him to come as he need some rest but im sorry sexy i couldnt help it. I was missing you badly and all i need was that thight hugs and kisses. Even though it was only for 10minutes or less, at least it makes my day. Just by looking at you smile makes my day actually. Thank you for making that extra effort to meet me and i appreciate it a lot. Was supposed to meet again in the evening but it was raining heavily so, there goes another chance of seeing him:( To the extend that i could even cry when im missing him badly proves that im such a baby. Haha. Hey, thats not the point, i love him and thats all that matters. Right?

Its 2am. I better go to bed or ill be late for work. Goodnight and sweetdreams.
Hey world, I love Azmeer<3

posted from Bloggeroid

Straw and berry.

2011-12-17T09:16:00.001+08:00

Suddenly i feel a sense of loss. Perhaps its new thus i need some time to adapt to the new situation. I hate changes actually, it makes me feel like ive just step out of my comfort zone to a dark cave. Weekends will no longer be the same without love. Spending the night alone, no more warm hugs and kisses from him. Its just a kick start and i can't tell how much im missing him right now. sobs! But, on the other hand its good that hes working and i can spend sometime on my work since its busy period.

Its 17 today. Remarks the 4th month we're seeing each other without realising that time flies. Im hoping to stay like this in years to come or maybe forever. Well, i would just like to take this opportunity to say my gratitude towards him, just a short one.

Dearest Azmeer,
You never once fail to complete the rainbow in my heart. For everytime you put a smile on my face i could feel the love. Its not like a hanky panky relationship no more, its for real. Everything is real. Gosh,i wish i could explain this feeling and how much it means to me. I like the way you look at me and say iLy, the way you hug and kiss me like you never want to let it go. That's when i realise that my dreams came true and its like living in a world full of love and hapiness. Thank you sweetheart for every single thing you've done for me. I've never feel so pampered before and you simply did it with your love. Honeymoon period won't last so long, things will change and so do i. But one thing is for sure, im not going to run away since you're part of me and how will i manage without you? Be it good or bad, as long as we stand for each other i think we would last. love you <3

posted from Bloggeroid

Boomerang ;

2011-12-15T23:08:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling so shagged after 3 days and 2 nights of non-stop hit at Changi Village Hotel with colleagues. Glad that love offered to fetch and send me back.We had dinner after which plus a little chitty chat.

He said, he feels like there's a hurricane coming to hit us any moment. I was taken aback and broken up when i heard that and was wondering actually why on earth he would say that. He then explained that he would be packed with work and won't be able to see each other that much. Ouch ouch. But then again, its work we talking about. No matter where and how he works at it doesn't matter much to me as long as he stays away from trouble. I pretty much feel happy for him that at least he's working rather than roaming around isn't it? I shall give him my support and keep reminding him to be a good boy ok darling? Teehee! He asked over dinner what if he goes missing again, i got a lil bit pissed when he said that cause i know i couldn't bear to part with him ever again. And if it happens for real, i will wait. I know I've said it before and turns out to be different but this time round i would take my own words or I'll regret for the rest of my life cause i know there's no one like him. No one. He's my present and future and nothing could possibly change that. I repeat, nothing. At times, it makes me worry about his whereabouts, who he is with, what he's doing and have he been behaving good. It really worries me and its killing each time to think about it. I can't control his every move and i don't have any intention to do so either. Its just that i want things to stay like this and stay out of trouble.

"Find someone worth your tears, worth your laughter, worth your heart and that loves you as much as you love them"

I think i found that someone , Muhammad Azmeer.

just like you.

2011-12-14T19:12:00.002+08:00

Hello bloggie.

I miss you. It has been quite some time i left isnt it? Sorry, im just on a tight schedule to blog a proper one. Lets just begin with Saturday, zouk out. Oh wait, i didnt go there of cos. He wasnt supposed to go either. We talked about it and he agreed that hes not going and rather spend the.night with me. I was rather impressed when he said that. However, things simply went wrong. He wanted to go badly which is preety obvious and since friends asked him to tag along. I was upset initially but i dont want him to see me as someone who is trying to discipline or control him. Its nothing like that. Seriously i have nothing against his friends or whatsoever. Im just worried about him. Basically thats all. I dont want him to get involved in anything as i dont wish to lose him the 4th time. So yeah, i went to dblo and i swear i felt fucking guilty cause hes not with me and to me its just not right. He's my strength and yet my weakness thus losing him would be like a boom.

Im currently on a staff retreat at changi village hotel. and yah! Thank you Muhammad Azmeer for sending me off! Gees. so blessed to have him around. and right now im soaking myself in the bathtub while blogging. i shall get going! see you soon bloggie. i love my darling Azmeer:)

posted from Bloggeroid

^^

2011-12-09T08:28:00.001+08:00

Was browsing through my phone on my way to work now when i saw this picture. Really made me smile. He look silly much just like chicken little plus his fishball cheeks. Huhu^^ I love Muhammad Azmeer as much as the toothpaste loves toothbrush. Good Morning world, its Friday!

posted from Bloggeroid

renew, realise, let go.

2011-12-08T21:37:00.004+08:00

After some consideration, i think i need to learn self-control. I don't know what's happening to me. I mean , i get paranoid with things easily recently. Even minor things. I used to be calm and i don't react dramatically unless necessary. However, things has change. There's something within me isn't right somehow. Being overprotective over someone won't do any good thus im letting it go bit my bit. Probably i just need some time. After all this is how life is and i have to learn to adapt with whatever not the other way round. I can't expect someone to understand me all the time when i don't even understand myself. Like he mentioned, jealously is normal but there's a meter to it. I have to agree on that. You know, when love someone truly, every single thing matters much. Maybe that's the reason for over reacting to a minor misunderstanding. I know where i stand, and i apologize for making it a hassle. The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it. Sometimes love blinds us, other times it let’s us see.

I won a struggle. I was scared initially but i told myself that if i don't believe in myself, who would? I did what i think was right and apparently, i wasn't alone. I'm thankful that the commotion is over. I was taken aback when things got messy as i thought it has settled down. I managed it somehow and Alhamdulilah with the increment it would at least make some difference. Less is more and it doesn't matter how long it takes to reach the top as long as you're willing to take one step at time. & When one door closes, don't look back cause doors are always open depending on how you manage them. You know, giving up is easy and I've got to admit that at times i feel like giving up on everything especially when things are all over the place and i can't manage or think wisely. I'm anticipating that there are more encumbrance to bowled-over. Be it work, family or relationship. Nothing is perfect but im exhilarated that the imperfection in me makes me feel that this peregrination with worthwhile. Hope, like faith, is nothing if it is not courageous; it is nothing if it is not ridiculous.

Although time seems to fly, it never travels faster than one day at a time. Each day is a new opportunity to live my life to the fullest. In each waking day, i will find scores of blessings and opportunities for a positive change. I shall not let my Today be stolen by the unchangeable past or the indefinite future.

KO

2011-12-07T21:18:00.001+08:00

Too early to be on bed listening to songs but im losing my strength every second i think about today. This is unhealthy. Work is really giving me a hard time and things got worst when i happen to see the picture with her in it. Well of cos i blew up. You claimed she's a friend but seriously i don't see things that way especially when i read those letters by her. Even your friend said she was your girlfriend. i dont know how true it is but whatever it is i dont like it and thats final. You lied the other day. Whats makes me think i wont have negative thinking when i saw that picture? You know i dont like her yet you still have the guts to showcase the picture. You didnt like my friend, i took that into consideration and did my part i even deleted my picture with him and no longer contact or hang out cause you're part of me and i cannot lose you. i rather let go of friendship just to see you smile. im not expecting you to do the same i just need you at least spare a thought. I apologise if im being ridiculous or unreasonable i love you so much that i react like this. Thought i was the only whom have ride with you but with so much disappointment she was there too. I'm just sad really upset with whatever happening. i want you. i need you. i dont favour sharing. please spare a thought for this heart cause it yearns for you. only you.

posted from Bloggeroid

Slapped in the heart.

2011-12-06T22:58:00.001+08:00

I hate today. Didn't see it coming actually. I was wrong to have trust in my dictionary. I shouldnt trust anyone in the first place. Cause everyone, i repeat EVERYONE is a fcuking liar. Even if its a white lie in order to save your own shit, its still a lie you fcuk! & whats the point covering when the truth is out. come clean and let the matter rest cause trust me, the more you lie, the 'merrier' it will be. Stand in front of the mirror and reflect yourself instead of pointing fingers. Not happy still? shame on you.

I've always thought friends comes before boyfriend cause there's a saying that we can find a new boyfriend but friends are hard to find. You know what? Thats fcuking BULLSHIT cause i can look out for new friends but i won't be able to have another him. I seriously dont mind losing a two headed and selfish friend like you. You dont deserve to be called a friend anyways. I had my say and the rest is up to you to decide. Cause afterall, im such a nice person and willing to let bygones be bygones. Its you call now.

With regards to above, i shall call it a day. Cheers to all the fcuking liars in the whole. You guys have been the most successful actor and actresses to have break a million hearts. May karma hit you twice and you'll regret cause life is fair.

posted from Bloggeroid

Missing my man ;

2011-12-06T00:53:00.001+08:00

Hi bloggie, like your new layout? Nothing much actually, just wanted to give it a new look cause life has a clearer view now:) Monday is over, so here comes Tuesday! Time flies and thats what Im talking about. The faster it flies the better cause its killing me to be away from my hero. But please pause the clock everytime i see him, can? Gees. We chatted over the phone, didnt talk much but happy still. Well as long as i could feel him close to me or even hear his voice ill be more than happy.

I've got a number of things to say within me however i just couldn't put them into words. Its annoying when i can't do that cause the joy in me wouldnt let me have self-control. All i can say is that im seriously fcuking happy with life. To the extend that i feel its complete. Family wise, career and my Hero. Its done, beautiful. In good times like this i thank God for showing me life isnt unfair afterall its true when they say before a storm its usually a calm situation and if you manage it well the storm will stop for you. Thats when i believe that everything happens for a reason
and it doesnt matter how long it takes as long as you reach the top.

I asked for happiness each time i pray and he sent you to me. I then found out that you are indeed the happiness ive been looking for through out the years its just that it took me quite some time to realise that. Dear God, now that ive found happiness please dont take him away from me. In every obstacles you're going to give us to face in future i would take it as a challenge cause i know you wouldnt give me something i could not manage. As long as he's there ill be there.

How can i not miss my sweetheart badly when he keeps on showing up in my mind. Even when i close my eyes he's there. The moment i wake up he's there. He's everywhere! Oh no! Help! i need a love doctor. Haha. I'm going crazy and i think i better say goodnight or ill start talking crap. Goodnight world.

Remember, like is colourful. You just have to take things slow and trust your heart<3

posted from Bloggeroid

Mmmmm.

2011-12-05T00:23:00.001+08:00

No more silly boy to spent the night with. No more silly jokes. No more hugs. No more goodnight kiss. No more snoring from him in the middle of the night.No more waking up looking at him. No more breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper with him. No more locking hands together. No more laughing and smiling from ear to ear the whole day. How? Gosh, i can never describe how bad im missing him. Spending days with him makes me feel like im missing something in life and its the suckiest feeling ever. Couldnt bear to part with him just now. Wanted to cry! I hate goodbyes especially from him :'(

I falling in love with him everyday that i think im being unreasonable. I mean, im selfish. I want him all by myself and no other girls can touch him. But i know its not right to have such thinking cause when jealousy strikes there will be arguments for such a bloody reason. Right? Screw it then. Ok im so shagged and i need to go to bed. Goodnight:')

posted from Bloggeroid

Rainbow(:

2011-12-03T22:43:00.003+08:00

I think I've grown some muscles on my cheeks for the past few day as I've been smiling from ear to ear each day thanks to his presence. The moment i wake up and before going to bed was a priceless moment. Having him close to me, kiss my forehead and hug to bed was a dream come true. Rainbow in my heart :) Staying under one roof since Thursday makes me feel like we've been together for the longest time. We went swimming on Thursday(I think i've already mentioned it in my previous post but never mind) and had KFC for dinner. After which we had a good sleep due to swimming a few laps. (Kidding). On Friday, we did nothing much. He went back to meet his friends while i went to karoke with the boys. Its been such a long time since i met them. Darling came over to join before heading home. MacDonald for supper. Was supposed to met granny for her Birthday celebration but was too shagged that we woke up quite late.

Today, we went to Imm to deposit money and get my peach yogurt plus oreo, Yummy! Then head off to Marziya's Wedding, a colleague of mine. She's only 22 and she's married! When is it going to be my turn? Haha. Its the first time i bought someone along to meet fellow colleagues and they were giving me those smile and eyebrows going up up. Picture above was taken at the wedding place. I look tall uhhh! Haha. Anyways, we went to KAROKE at boon lay! Yes again, but this time round it was only us. I had a great time. And its the first time I'm going with a partner. Haha. Ya'know why its great? Cause i feel comfortable, just being myself with him. There's no need to be shy or anything like that. Currently I'm waiting for him and we're going to Karoke again. Have yet to confirm though. It has been raining badly these days, i need some sunlight !

Last day before things go back to the same routine. How sad. No more goodnight kiss and i wont get to see him 24/7. Huhuhuhu. I will be missing him badly. Oh shit ! I'm supposed to call him!!
Oh myy. Ok ok got to go. Talk to you soon bloggie. I love Muhammad Azmeer many many! (:

Silly boy.

2011-12-02T09:46:00.001+08:00

Hello December!

Its December like finally. Time flies. I'm glad cause this would be the month to do some reflection about life and how to make things better next year. Yes next year. I hope next year would be a good year, ill be 21 and its no joke. Shall begin a new chapter in life.

I'm on leave for two days followed by weekends. My darling took leave too. Was supposed to go to USS today but he insists of going another day as he wouldnt want to miss the transformer thingy. & now he's sleeping peacefully. So cute^^ To sleep next to him and to wake up next to him is such a wonderful feeling. Oh yes we went swimming at j.e yesterday. I had a great time with him. I just love the way he hold my hands, hug me,kiss me and shouts i love you. Ah ya..he shouts like no body's business. He's crazy but im loving it cause it makes me smile from ear to ear. Not much of an update. Will do a proper one pretty soon.

I love Muhammad Azmeer<3

posted from Bloggeroid

Hero.

2011-11-30T08:32:00.001+08:00

I'm back bloggie, i know its pretty late and i should be going to bed but i guess an update won't kill. So yea, its Wednesday! won't get to see my darling yet but its one day closer. Actually its fun to miss him and counting down to see him. I can't explain how the feelings is like but i bet you would understand.
We had quite a long conversation on the phone with regards to relationship and our future. No guys, not talking about getting married(yet) but we talked aboutlkkk our dislikes and how we could make this right. I think its good to share and exchange thoughts with your patner cause at least they know so that they could avoid it. I certainly hope. Oh ya! He calls me princess. Ehh, don't laugh ok?! He'sp ithe first one who calls me that.OMG! Seriously, why is he so adorable? I can't take my mind off him cause he's simply every where. I think im falling in love again, actually im falling in love everyday with the same person of cos! He makes my day, makes me smile, makes me laugh and took my heart away.

I was typing half way and fall asleep. -.-'' Let me just post this unfinish post its not complete but nevermind. Anyway im on my to work. Yay! Last day of work for the week. Hoooray!

posted from Bloggeroid

Here you go

2011-11-29T22:17:00.000+08:00

Perfect Two ;

2011-11-29T22:16:00.000+08:00

My blog looks plain ugly. Ok whatever, I shall change my blog skin when I've got nothing better to do as it will take some time to make a good one. Anyways, i can't wait for tomorrow to end ! Will have a good long weekend with love. Yay! (: I don't feel like blogging much today but here's a song dedicated for my darling baby sweetheart sugar strawberry<3

Apple of my eye:)

2011-11-28T07:22:00.001+08:00

& "booom!" there he was sitting right in front of my door step. Gosh, now you tell me how can i not love him more each day when he pampers me like that? He showered me with so much love that sometimes it makes me wonder what will happen in the future. & with that im kinda scared of losing. Not kinda, im actually real scared of losing him. Having his fingers locked to mine makes me wonder too if the lock will be there in years to come. Will things change? will he change? will us be walking together holding hands? Will he hug me tight? will he appear right in front of my doorstep when i say i miss him? There's so many questions lingers in mind every time i think of us.

Despite the worry, i think im pretty much on the go to fight for this relationship. To go up and down and overcome each and every obstacles that hits us. Its not easy to be paitient if something very bad strike us isnt it? I can't imagine how we are going to react. Anyways, i do.hope to sit and talk when that happens. But what happens when he have a change of heart? what if one day he falls for someone else? I know im full of negative thoughts but then again i feel insecure cause maybe i think too much. I don't wish to fail and i want to make this the long lasting relationship for the rest of my life. Not kidding. Seriously serious. Cause i know theres no one like you. i repeat, no one. I wish nothing but the best in us. Sometimes it last but sometimes it hurts instead. Whatever it is, this heart beats for you and only you.

With no trust build, i hope honesty would be the next good tool for ao successful relationship. I will honest and tell him even if i did something awful cause i know lying won't make things better. Truth may hurts but will heal in no time, right? I love us being us now. Be ourself and shower each other with love and care. I don't want to come to a point where we have to try and please each other to make things better. I'm good this way and i bet he feels the same way too. I feel save and comfortable with him next to me. It doesnt matter where, when and how cause as long as he's there, im happy.

I love my soulmate, yes soulmate. And nothing's gonna stop me from loving him.

posted from Bloggeroid

Tonight, take me away.

2011-11-27T19:47:00.001+08:00

I think ive made a wrong decision today. In fact i totally did. How could i not meet my sweetheart? Well i was really worn out earlier but now i'm missing him badly.

You know, the empty feeling and how you wish your soulmate would be right behind you giving you those warm hugs, kiss your neck just tell you how much he loves you? Damn, i pretty much miss that and its killing me to think about it. With every single moment we spent, every smile he shows simply beats this heartbeat of mine even faster.

I love him more each day plus a double love and plus a lil chocolate sweetness each time i get to see him. So that equals to i love him so much. How much? Count the raindrops. Mushy?? Not true, its nothing but the fact. & when can i get married to you to spend the rest of life with you? Haha. Just thinking too much^.^ Got to go for.know. Cheerios:)

posted from Bloggeroid

rainbow

2011-11-27T08:55:00.001+08:00

Im in the train on my way to class. Yes, class on Sunday. Had class yestetday too! Freaking tired. &its monday tomorrow. Didnt even get a chance to take a break.

Despite the busy schedule, how can i not meet my dearest love right? We met last night, went to punggol to collect our USS tickets! We got losr along the way and he told me i was useless and hopeless! grr. He's such an ass!! We sat by the road side while waiting to collect the tics and to me that was the precious moment i would never forget. The laughter, love and smile makes a rainbow in my heart. & sorry for sitting on your precious bb phone and he called me an elephant. See! so rude right? such an ass right? hahahuhu^^

Okay ive reach my station. will come again soon bloggie. Sayaaaang awak banyak banyak<3

posted from Bloggeroid

A lil bit about today.

2011-11-25T12:15:00.001+08:00

Dear Faithful Diary,

I hope you're not bored with my mushy stories recently. Huhu. Anyway, its finally Friday. And i'll get to see love of my life. Weekends gonna be a lil different i suppose cause ill be having classes. Yes, even on Sunday. Worst still, from 9 to 6. Damn it, will be missing him badly. But i think it will be fine cos we have plans lining up. The most sexiciting one would be going to uss on Dec 2:)

I will come back later, let me have my lunch first. Just apples-trying to stay healthy. haha.

posted from Bloggeroid

Ice cream sweetness;

2011-11-24T00:32:00.001+08:00

Oh my God, seriously this is the best day of my life. Work was good, Alhamdullilah after working damn hard i got another increament this year. Received my cert this evening and i pass with satisfactory. I thought i would fail as exams was really killing me.

Love texted me and said that he misses me much. I told him i miss him as much and told him to come over. Well obviously im joking cause he stays at the east while im at the west. He called moments later, i picked up and went to my room. I got a shocked of my life the moment i turn and saw him outside my bedroom window. All i could say was 'ehhhhhhk!' Opened the door and asked what on earth.is he doing here. He said 'you toldo me to come.' followed with a smile. Awww. Isn't he sweet? I hugged him tight and was still taken aback upon seeing him.

We had a preety good chat. He said sorry. Yes, he said sorry! Oh my, i can't express how happy i was when he said that. It was simply mind blowing. Tears flooded but tried to stay calm. Just too happy. Being loved by him was always within me and now that i got every single bit of it there's no way i would quit. This is just theu beginning, there will be much more to come. That's for sure. But what's relationship without arguements right? I'm missing him now. How i wish he could stay at least for the night to kiss my forhead and put me to bed.

To think about it, it never happen before. I mean, there's no one who came to my doorstep to surprise me. It was beautiful. Saying 'i love you' towards each other looking deep into the eyes makes me feel like im the only girl in the world. Really, it was beautiful. Never felt love this strong before. Like he said it feels like an electric shock. I hope i can stay strong to make this work. I will do my part, honestly.

I love him with sincerity, honesty and from the bottom of my heart.

posted from Bloggeroid

Tonight, take me with you.

2011-11-23T00:20:00.001+08:00

& im here once again. Make this the 3rd and the last post for today to hope for a better day tomorrow.

I've plan my future, my goals for next year. One of my main priority was to complete my Diploma in Autism. But, 2012 have yet to begin and my goal is already demolished. How bout that? Seriously, not a good thing to start with. I've been hopping that 2012 would be a good start for a new beginning and to start afresh since 2011 sucks big time. Then again, what can i do. Its written that this will be the journey i have to take and i believe that God won't give me something that I couldn't handle. Right? Then fine, i shall accept it and take it as a challenge. Yes, im upset for sure. I bet this would take some time. Time would heal.

Many things happened in two days. Work,love and life. The three important keys of my life upsets me all at one. One after another, love was unexpected. Didn't even thought that the argument begins with him. Im pretty emotional, i know but if you were in my shoes trust me you would feel me. Im just feeling down, upset much, disappointed and lost. I just feel like crying my heart out.

I sat down and asked or in fact kept reminding myself to keep going as i was on the verge to give up on almost eveything. I don't want to be a loser cause at the end of the day it will come back to me. There's no escape to problems, face it and make it posibble cause life is just piece of drawing without an earser.

I was typing half way and he called. Felt so much better after clearing and sharing. Glad to have him around. Now all i have to do is to say my prayers, pray for tomorrow's journey and close my eyes. I had a good cry for two days before i go to bed to wash my eyes to have a clearer view of life.

Don't run, its ok to go slow.

posted from Bloggeroid

I wish i could say I QUIT.

2011-11-22T13:25:00.001+08:00

its my 2nd post for the day. Well just need to let some things out. I don't know why and how come things are messy. I spoke to my supervisor and i broke down right infront of her. yes, i cried. i couldn't take it cause all i did was to stand for my rights and protect my kids. They are emerging and there's no reason to bring them down. I am confident they will manage one day and you should believe in them too. We all know that they are special, but that doesnt mean we can't push them. I simply don't get it. Where i went wrong this time round.

& yes, i didn't take the feedback positively cause because you didn't have a friendly approach. i can't read your mind. i don't know what you're looking out for. Just like the kids, i can't accept changes without reasons. I didn't have my say or given the opportunity to explain myself. So you tell me what on earth should i do? If given the opportunity to justify things i would certainly do come clean with you.

I'm exhausted working my ass off to show progress in my kids and i certainly won't let it go just like that. If i kept quiet, disadvantage to the kids.If i stand for my rights, you think im trying to be rude or over rule you. now thats not my point. all i want was to have my say for the kids my myself. I mean no harm. Just doing what i think is right for them.

What should i do now? Things are so messed up and im getting pissed off with everything. i wish i could say i quit. but i know i can't quit just like that. I shall work things out and be open to all the feedback from you. be it good or bad. But please, give me some space.

posted from Bloggeroid

Dropped.

2011-11-22T08:42:00.001+08:00

Its seems like honeymoon period is over. Pretty upset about what happened as i didnt expect things would go wrong this fast. I was wrong about everything. In the end, they are the same. Screw it. I'll be fine, just need some time to get over it. I did my part now lets just leave it to him.

# in the train and still thinking about it.

posted from Bloggeroid

BAD DAY.

2011-11-21T19:59:00.004+08:00

I COULD WRITE A BOOK WHERE ALL THE CHAPTERS WOULD BE THE SAME BECAUSE LIFE KEEPS REPEATING THE SAME SHIT ALL OVER AGAIN.

Now seriously, give me a break and tell me what went wrong. Everything was fine, it was settled. I'm not trying to disrespect but I have to stand for what I think is right. After all, its the kids we're talking about. I did what's important for them and i put my heart and soul doing it. After all the hard work I've put in, I've got to re-do ? I'm just pretty upset with things at work and days wouldn't get any better with this. I drag my feet to work because of the kids , if its not because of them i would rather work else where. Dear God, please me give the extra strength to overcome every obstacle you've given me.

***
Do you believe in karma? When you hurt a particular person, one day he/she will break your heart too.
And when that happens all you could do is keep it deep down your heart cause seriously you have no reasons to be angry as you're the one who bring it upon yourself. A lie would change things but still, endurance would be the best choice to make.
Nobody's perfect, so do i.
:(

Glad you came;

2011-11-20T23:47:00.001+08:00

Its 2 Months and 3 days since the day we met after years of separation however it seems like we have been together for the longest time. As each day passes by i could sense that i simply love him more and i miss him every now and then. Spending the weekends with him is the most greatful and beautiful moments that im scared of losing.

We watched immortals today at jurong point and head off to my place for breakfast cum lunch cum dinner for me and of cos he had to leave afterwhich. Seriously i hate goodbyes. I hate the empty feeling of not having him around, hate missing him badly, his warm hugs and kisses simply means the whole world to me.

Sometimes i wonder, what happened to us years ago? why things went wrong? how come i didnt endure? why things didnt turn out like how it is now? and why am i so hard headed to let things ago when i've always known that he's been there. I know where i stand and i admit all the mistakes i did to have break his heart through out the years. How i wish i could turn back the time for us but i know it wouldnt happen. Trust would be an issue cause its just like a paper, once its crumpled theres no turning back. I pray to God to show me the right path of this journey. If he's the one i could find happiness in then please let him stay and please don't take my hapiness away.

I had my say for today, goodnight.

posted from Bloggeroid

Talking to the moon.

2011-11-18T00:30:00.001+08:00

I just hang up with him and tears are flooding in my eyes making them smaller and the blurry effect is kind of distracting. But anyways, i just feel like crying out loud and have his arm wrap around me telling me that everything is going to be ok. He asked me to promise him that even if i run away i wouldnt go far. I said ok cause seriously theres no where i could go to. Plus im certainly tired of playing catching with him for years. I think its about time to think and manage. Goodnight. I miss my dearest sweetheart :(

posted from Bloggeroid

Yesterday isnt today.

2011-11-15T22:53:00.001+08:00

Now that i can blog with my phone, it'll be much more easier to update.

Its been so long since i last got really upset. Yesterday wasn't a good one. I've been working so hard for the kids and now that they have progress THIS much, you're bringing them down? I simply don't get it. Like seriously. You don't even know the kids and how can assume this and that? I didn't even have the oppourtunity to have my say. I kept quiet through out the meeting cause seriously i think there's no point and i was speechless. All i did was to agree on whatever i disagree. I guess, i've got to stand up for my rights cause its the kids I'm working with not you.

Anyhoots, I've also been looking forward to weekends to meet my dearest chicken little. See, even thinking bout him would make me smile:) We are planning to go to uss in Dec and i certainly can't wait. Sexcited! Teehee.

okay, i shall go to bed now otherwise Ill b late again.

Goodnight world.

posted from Bloggeroid

Misses.

2011-11-14T02:11:00.001+08:00

I cant sleep. ive been spending my weekends with him n the thought of having his arms around me still lingers. the way he makes me smile. the way he say 'i love you'.. nothing beats having him around n theres nothing i could ever ask for. ive never used the word soulmate or never once being called a soulmate. but he did. i was moved by that and i know his my soulmate. ive made so much mistakes, looking n trying for a good long lasting relationship. i dont know what took me so long to realise that he has been there. throughout the years. i was simply stupid to let him but know knowing the fact that he's the one.. i would never let this go ever again.
___
Tags: #fromtheheart
posted from Bloggeroid

him.

2011-11-09T21:10:00.003+08:00

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine.
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

I love the way you make me so happy,
And the ways you show you care.

I love the way you touch me,
Always sending chills down my spine

I love the way you say, "I Love You,"
And the way you're always there.

My Chicken Little.

2011-11-07T15:51:00.003+08:00

My heart beats faster each time i see him.
Its a feeling i could never describe and all i could do is smile.
Having him around feels just like a roller coaster,
Once i have completed the ride,i want to go again and again without getting bored.
I thank God for giving me this opportunity to love and to be loved by him.
There's nothing more i would ask for,this more than enough.

Things has changed, i love him more each day.
Even though there's no trust i guess things will be fine.
& sooner or later trust will come (i hope).

It doesn't matter how long it takes,
how things will be in the future,
how and when its gonna happen...
'cause all i need now is him.
Just him .

2011-10-31T20:31:00.002+08:00

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage<3

Di saat aku mencintaimu

2011-10-05T23:28:00.001+08:00

mengapa kau pergi, mengapa kau pergi
di saat aku mulai mencintaimu
berharap engkau jadi kekasih hatiku
malah kau pergi jauh dari hidupku
*courtesy of LirikLaguIndonesia.net
menyendiri lagi, menyendiri lagi
di saat kau tinggalkan diriku pergi
tak pernah ada yang menghiasi hariku
di saat aku terbangun dari tidurku

aku inginkan dirimu datang dan temui aku
kan ku katakan padamu aku sangat mencintai dirimu
aku inginkan dirimu datang dan temui aku
kan ku katakan padamu aku sangat mencinta
menyendiri lagi, menyendiri lagi
di saat kau tinggalkan diriku pergi
tak pernah ada yang menghiasi hariku
di saat aku terbangun dari tidurku
semoga engkau kan mengerti tentang perasaan ini
maaf ku telah terbuai akan indahnya cinta (indahnya cinta)
maaf sungguh ku tak bisa (tak bisa) untuk kembali padamu
maaf ku telah terbuai akan indahnya cinta
aku inginkan dirimu datang dan temui aku
kan ku katakan padamu aku sangat mencinta

2011-10-02T23:19:00.003+08:00

Hello World.
I'm feeling better than yesterday.

Monday :/

2011-09-26T20:12:00.004+08:00
Phew. Finally Monday has come to an end. I hate Mondays, it has always always been the sick and tiring day compared to the rest of the days. I was looking forward for today actually cause its pay day but with such disappointment my pay wasn't in. That's always the case, its sucks big time when the pay will be in late. It has happened several times and its really pissing me off. Do you think i work for the sake of working? Well of cos not! I need the money to settle a lot of things i simply don't understand why on earth the pay is always not in on time.

Anyway, one of my student drew a picture of me and herself today during free art. Her drawing was adorable, she came to me and said ''Teacher, for you. Happy Mother's Day!'' and i was like.....''mmm, thank you but its not Mother's day'' and there goes she screamed at me telling me that its Mother's day. Ok fine, its Mother's day today. -.-'' Haha! They are my medicine to all the heartaches and problems. To see them talk, smile and laugh really made my day. Even thinking about them makes me smile. Awwww, they are so adorable.

Last week, I brought them for a walk at the park outside school. We pass-by two primary school students which i believe they are from the upper primary. One of my students had a tantrum and started hitting herself and blabbing to herself. The two primary school girls stared, laughed and said crazy. I was so angry that i told them not to be rude and instead of apologizing, they walked off. I've sent an email to their school but yet to receive any reply from them. It breaks my heart to hear such things cause they are not crazy, they are special. Very special indeed. I will make sure the two girls come down to my school and apologize to my girl even though she wouldn't understand it doesn't matter as long as they apologize. Such a disgrace to Yew Tee Primary School. Their school vision : People who respect others and things around them. I think their vision is just for show. Really pissing me off. So bloody rude.

I shall end here for today. Good night.

I Live My Life For You

2011-09-25T21:39:00.000+08:00

Nights like this i wish raindrops would fall to cover my tears ;

2011-09-21T23:27:00.002+08:00

I'm mentally and physically tired of everything.

Life goes on ;

2011-09-20T22:29:00.002+08:00
I lay on my bed praying and hoping each night for tomorrow to be a better day. But I think God is testing me and I believe he has always been testing me. However he wouldn't give me something which I'm not able to handle right? I thank God for showing me the toughest side of life. Grateful to have overcome obstacles in life one after another. It's not easy being me, you don't tell me you don't understand or you understand being ME cause you're not in my shoes and you don't know what my heart beats for.

To have failed another relationship makes me realize that love isn't a piece of game and its too important to even take it seriously. Oh why am i still dwelling over it? I'm good at pretending you know, pretending that everything is okay. I didn't spoke to anyone with regards to the break up cause there's nothing i could say or do thus why bother when i know i will be able to make it thru someday. I just need some time on my own to at least get myself back on track.

I'm smiling not because its over. I'm smiling cause i'm glad it once happened.

2011-09-18T19:45:00.007+08:00
I was wrong about everything, even myself. I didn't know what i was thinking back then. Life is in a big mess and all i need right now is a time on my own. Life is pretty much like a merry-go-round. Spinning yourself in different directions and at the end of the ride everything will be thrown out. Isn't it? Let me just back out from all the love game i once had and its up to you to judge me. Be it good or bad, i guess i shall accept it with an open heart. Its over now, simply back to square one. I thank myself for creating a huge mess and I shall not promise anyone but myself that its about time to change. For the better of cos. Life is too short to play games right?

Now i don't even know where to begin this new life of mine. Standing and facing daily obstacles alone. I'm all by myself and I have to be able to stand on my two feet and prove everyone that they are wrong about me. I have my reasons for doing such, and if you know well you should know that I've always been keeping things by myself. I mean, that's just the way i settle things. I don't have to tell the whole world what's happening to my life. Except my blog, im keeping this blog as so that i could actually reflect on myself what wrong doings I've done over the past years and not to repeat the same mistakes again.

There's no turning back and i look forward with regards to my future. I wonder who would stay and guide me in life. I'm just hopping that tomorrow would be a better day. I've lost trust in myself , how can i expect people to trust me now? Well, gaining back someone's trust isn't easy cause action speck louder than words. I guess i just need to prove it somehow. The emotional blow is very hard to deal with when a relationship falls apart. Even though I know it's the right thing to do. And if I didn't want it to happen, it is even more painful. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and of cos ends with a teardrop.

Enough talking, action speak louder than words right? You decided, you judge.

Confession from the heart.

2011-09-18T15:08:00.001+08:00

I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you.. How good you look when you smile. How much I love your laugh. I day-dream about you off and on, replaying pieces of our conversation; laughing at funny things that you said or did.. I've memorized your face & the way that you look at me.. I catch myself smiling again at what I imagine.. I wonder what will happen the next time we are together & even though nothing will come out of this, I know one thing for sure, for once.. I don't care, I cherish every moment I have with you.

2011-09-16T12:55:00.002+08:00

Nobody's perfect isn't it? People make mistakes and we learn from them. But what if a couple love each other dearly however both parties are not being faithful towards each other? And they strongly believe that they are able to make it till future. Pretty confusing isn't it? No trust, unfaithful and yet happily together. That's what you call love or its just another fucked up relationship or maybe its just confusing, You decide.

Nobody's perfect.

2011-09-11T11:02:00.005+08:00

All of my problems are rather complicated - I need an entire novel to deal with them, not a short story or a movie. It's like a personal therapy. Life has been pretty confusing too. I don't even know how to begin and end it in a nice way. Its in such a big mess, really. Oh yes, i got my job which i would consider it as a proper career and family is getting much better but there's just one thing you call love is making this life of mine doleful.

Love is really a crazy thing. Y'know, sometimes you know what you're doing and sometimes you simply don't know what going on until you realize it somehow. Promises and all the sweetest conversations actually mean nothing its just part and parcel of a relationship cause all you have to do is to prove the other party that you're actually serious about the relationship. Being 20 this year makes me realize that life is indeed short and its really time to get serious and look ahead for future. Choosing the right one would be another issue cause people don't change but feelings do. Only love let’s us see normal things In an extraordinary way.

I just need someone who brings out the best in me and is able to strengthen my positive points, whilst minimizing the negative points. Love is not always those happy moments which can be cherished throughout life. Love sometimes (though very rarely) causes grief and pain isn't it? I through with it anyways, i just need that someone who is able to make me feel so special, get all his attention (cause i get bored easily i must say. Especially when he makes me feel that he isn't there when i need him)would tell me that he loves my everyday. Yes, everyday cause even the smallest things would make my day.

Nobody's perfect, even me. I make mistakes and i would try to mend it even if its gonna hurt the other party. I've always been trying but fate just fail me. I hate it if let someone down cause i don't really mean to but it just so happen. I've been living in a circle, always going back to someone that I used to be with. Well I believe they would change but of cause its stupid cause they won't change. Isn't it?
Now what should i do? I can't keep on living like this. It has to come to an end.

sekelip mata kau berubag LESTARI

2011-09-10T12:01:00.000+08:00

Sayang.

2011-08-26T02:06:00.000+08:00

Love is like a roller coaster,
Once you have completed the ride,
you want to go again.

JUMP DOWN CAN?

2011-08-20T23:37:00.002+08:00

JUNE 19 :
HER: Hi fhamy!

JUNE 24 :
Him: hello fyda ! wah ! first time fyda teguh fhamy ?

JUNE 25
HER:First time? No. Fhamy action. That's why. HA!
HIM: fhamy not action okehh.. fyda action that's why i nvr teguh you.. later you nvr reply me..
HER: Eh eh. Ade la Fhamy. That time I did reply your goodmorning tau. Cakap tak?
HIM:entah.. bila tu ? smp sayer luper okeh.. lama laaa tuuu.. online laa.. bleh chat chat chat..

JULY 1 :
HIM:woitt !msg me 9******* okoke(:

JULY 2:
HER:Wah fhamy suroh message da message tau. Jgn ckp sombong k.

JULY 8: (A DAY AFTER MY BIRTHDAY)
HIM:mana ada fyda msg ! tkd pun ... ): tipu seyy..
HER: Ade! Bedek ah takde. Pfft!
HIM:MSG me again laaa.. nk bedek buat apa.. klau ada kan dah reply.. apadah !

JULY 11
HIM: Woitt, tk msg pun ... Hmmm.. Mana nk msg fhamy kannn .. Reply pun tidakk..
HER: Fhamy! Don't say like that can or not? Fyda busy. Will text you tomorrow or something k?
HIM:Alaaaa.. Lmbt seyyy.. Fhamy waitiing nii..Btw fyda gt my number ???
HER:Sabar lerr. Heh! Yes i do. I have it in our previous conversation.
HIM: Msg me now la awk.. Btw wru??
HER:I'm at friend's place. why?
HIM: Msg me aitee.. Im in camp.. I use my fwenss iphone..

AUGUST 8
HIM:heyy you heyyyyyyy
HER: hello fhaaaamy

AUGUST 19
HIM: hello ajerrrr??? tk smp2 pun msg nya
HER: hello fahmy. sorry fyda very the busy nowadays. i text you my number okay? sorry banyiak banyiak hor

JUST AS I THOUGHT HE WOULD CHANGE TO MAKE THIS FUCKING RELATIONSHIP WORK. BUT I WAS FUCKING WRONG! SHE TEXTED YOU 4AM IN THE MORNING AND I WAS JUST NEXT TO YOU, DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE GOOD AT PRETENDING AND TELLING LIES. I KNEW IT. I KNEW SOMETHING ISNT RIGHT SOMEWHERE. FUCKIING LIAR. LIAR. LIAR. LIAR ! WORDS CAN BE DECEIVING UHH. THANK YOU DEAREST FHAMY FOR LYING, THANK YOU FOR ALL THOSE WORDS WHICH I FALL FOR. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. MUCH APPRECIATEDDDDDDDDDDD!

2011-08-17T23:12:00.002+08:00

You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, it's the best thing in the world. When you're in a relationship and it's good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete.

2011-08-03T22:06:00.003+08:00
I NEED TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT ! im so fat now. so the saddening. ok bye ! goodnight.

2011-07-31T20:35:00.000+08:00
TWENTY SIX MORE DAYS TO PERTH.

2011-07-24T15:01:00.003+08:00
July has been the suckiest month of the year i must say. It started right from the start on the 1st July when things start to get a lil corky. It didn't end there, it was just a beginning. I didn't enjoy my birthday either, It was the suckiest birthday ever. With so much issue going on. So much for turning 20. Side effect or what? Life's been a bitch and i seriously can't take it anymore. When life gets a lil harder I would always try to fix it back but when it gets out of hand i give up. And obviously i did. I gave up almost on everything and i was THIS close to just leave everything behind. I've been working my ass off and people just don't know how to appreciate. Taking 3 classes with no increment? Do you take me as a cleaner? I DONT CARE ABOUT THE POST, ITS THE MONEY IM TALKING ABOUT ! KJNLASNXLKSAC CLSDCDASLKLSCDC JKCD ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! BYEEE AH

sucksbigtime.

2011-07-17T22:31:00.002+08:00
I've never been this sick. Fever, flu, cough and my dearest headache is killing me. Oh plus heartache. Its been a week that I'm down with flu and cough and it seems like its getting worst. Feels like I'm dying oh noooo.

There's so many things i would like to say, again. But i just don't know how to. I mean, things are getting from bad to worst and i doubt he notice it. Few friends asked '' Are you still with him? '' I said yes but deep down inside my bloody heart I really don't know. Well frankly it seems like I've been alone all these while. We rarely meet or even contact each other. The status in FB doesn't mean anything. Like I've always mention, he changed. There's nothing I could do like seriously. I'm through it. I don't think he knows what's a boyfriend role is.

BORING. Goodnight.

Liar Liar

2011-07-11T00:39:00.000+08:00

2011-07-09T01:13:00.004+08:00

I haven't lost my smile, it's right under my nose.
I just forgot it was there all along.

Tonight, take me away ;

2011-07-03T03:45:00.002+08:00

"Why"

Why, do you always do this to me?
Why, couldn't you just see through me?
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

Hey, listen to what we're not saying
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing
Try, to look at me and really see my heart

Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even when you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

So go and think about whatever you need to think about
Go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel
I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

Nothing I do makes a difference anymore. So why do I bother trying?

2011-07-02T02:10:00.002+08:00
I thought July would be a better month but i was wrong. Its only the first day of the month and I'm already feeling devastated. Early in the morning at work came bad news, changes. Like the kids, it was hard for me to accept it that i just feel like breaking down but i didn't of cos. I controlled every single emotions running through me mind and heart. I've put in a lot and effort in my class and now you're throwing me out of that class just because of one person who simply complains tired? Oh c'mon. Who's not tired? Every class has their own weakness and strength and which ever class they are giving me, I would take with no doubts cause i do it for the kids and not myself. I'm physically and mentally unwell. I'm just tired with all these dramas happening around me. I really need a break from everything.

People always choose to destroy the things they don't want to understand. It's how they cope with their own problems. How about replacing destruction with logic and reason?

You know, its not easy to share something in your heart that you wish he would know. I've decided not to text me and wait for his message instead. Well he did, but i've yet to see his care and concern, It was black and what's more could i ask for? It takes two hands to clap. Why am i always the one playing the boyfriend role? Frankly, at times i felt that he's not even there. No proper messages, no love, no care, nothing that a boyfriend should do. Trust me, he don't even know my blog. Its hard to explain things to him you know. I don't even know who to talk to. I've always been trying to make this relationship work as how it started but hey i seriously think that im living in my world of fantasies. Do you think im unreasonable to get upset when your boyfriend/girlfriend calls his/her best friend mushy mushy words or those act cute words like tweety bird and get upset cause his/her best friend no longer share things with him/her? I'm not jealous, im just disgusted. really. Facebook is a social network, when you post things like that people reads and it doesn't make a good impression on you. Well what do you expect me to answer when they ask me questions regarding it? Well of cos i lied to them that im fine with it.

5 more days to my birthday. Speaking of that, i see no point and no big deal about it. Its something that im not looking forward to. I actually took leave on my birthday but hey i think i rather go to work and be with my kids who never fail to put a smile on my face. Now they are my only strength (: I think i should go to bed now, i need to wake up as early as 7am as i need to reach Yio Chu Kang for dance rehearsal! Tiredd. Goodnight.

How do you expect me to save you, when I can't save myself?

2011-06-30T23:52:00.002+08:00
There's so many things that i wish i could say but you know sometimes, i rather bottle them up cause i see no point talking about it. I mean, what's the use? Things will remain the same or in fact it will get worst. I should have known for the start that i shouldn't start on something that i know i would give up. That's the thing about happiness - when you have it,everyone will try to take it from you by any means necessary! I don't know what's missing in this life. Things always get messy. Especially my relationships. I'm not desperate to have a boyfriend or whatsoever. I just need someone to be there, support me, help me, be my friend, show me some care and concern and most importantly knows how to take care of this fragile heart of mine. But if that's too much to ask then screw it cause i know im able to stand on my two feet and im better off alone. One reason why i need that its because ive never felt a love from a man. I know my dad loves me however, ive never seen it and he never shows. It irritates me to see a happy family especially when a daughter is close her dad. I don't know how it works but yeah. So, whats the put showing a status when you don't know its meaning? Jealously its part of a relationship and if you think I'm over reacting or not understanding then im seriously fine with it. I wouldn't care if i don't love you. Its the first day of the month, six more days to my birthday and my only wish for my birthday is to lead a better life. That's the end of my bloody speech for today. Goodnight!

2011-06-29T20:58:00.000+08:00

Prettymuchupsetwithyoubaby.

2011-06-12T00:57:00.003+08:00

I just don't see it coming.
I'm holding on every single day trying hard to convince myself its just the matter of time and im just being insecure about almost everything but then again I just can't help it. I've lost trust in him. Having him around is just as good as being all all alone. I mean, this is not what I expected from him. He doesn't text or call me as much as I want him too, he doesn't care as much as i want him too. I could even count how much night messages i received from him. Nothing of what i ever expected our relationship to be. What upsets me the most s when every time I tried to talk things out with him, it doesn't work. He's never serious. I ever asked him if he's serious with me, well of cause he said yes but you know guys are good at lying even lying to themselves. If he's serious enough to take this relationship seriously i just don't understand why he had to keep on adding Girls and still have the cheek to admit and say he's just looking around. Now you tell me, is he even serious? By telling me that he's just looking around makes things even worst. Why would he ever have the heart to look around if he's serious with me, isn't it ? I don't even know if he owes a heart. He seems not to care much. So why would i? I set it to the ground. You can do whatever you want. I give up.

The Best Wedding Proposal Ever !!! Best World Wedding Ever

2011-06-11T01:13:00.000+08:00

2011-06-10T01:05:00.002+08:00

Can't wait to see the KANGAROOS! I hope everything goes smoothly so that i can really go there!
Counting down, TWO more months. Attending a seminar there and visit their special school. Gosh can't wait ! Now i can't sleep.
EXCITED (:

Rihanna - Love The Way You Lie (Part 2) ft. Eminem LYRICS

2011-06-05T23:34:00.000+08:00

Takemeaway.

2011-06-05T15:15:00.002+08:00
I just don't see it coming. I don't know where it has gone to either and I don't know what's the issue. I don't see me, I don't see us but i saw her. She's your past and I'm your present but it seems the other way round. I didn't mean to look through your pictures but it just so happened maybe my heart tells me to do so. I don't see us but i saw her with you. Then why are you with me? Oh, old pictures that you forgot to delete i bet that's the reason you would give me when i tell you about this. Now that's the reason why i rather keep things to myself cause this small issue is to be done at your own initiative i don't have to tell you what to do every time, must I ?

I'm not sad just disappointed with you. I don't know what i see in this relationship cause at times I just don't feel your existence. This isn't what i asked for and this isn't what I've always wanted. This doesn't feel like how it started and I don't which to end it like how it does the other time. To think about it, i actually did a huge mistake by giving you the luxury for something and now that you know you could depend on me makes me feel like you're holding on because of it. Like i said, i don't see it coming. I've lost hope in you and I just cannot trust you any longer. I tried, but i just can't. Well lets not talk about this, its driving me nuts. I wanna go for a jog.

sayhellotogoodbye.

2011-06-02T23:16:00.004+08:00

EMOTIONALLY TIRED.

Deamer.

2011-05-31T22:57:00.005+08:00

I am sooooo in love with Victoria's Secrets bags. My God. I don't know which one i should get either. Forget about Volcom, its so hard to find a nice one, really! Maybe i should get either one of this bags pretty soon as my lovely volcom bag is already 2years old and torn thanks to my heavy lappy and paperwork. But no worries, i won't throw you away! I know these bags above are so pinkish but who cares, I'm loving it. There's more actually, i seriously don't know which one i should grab. I feel like buying them all! Different bag everyday ah! I shall buy them all ! Yes all! I'm so excited!

Anywhoots, today wasn't as great as yesterday and yesterday wasn't as great as Sunday. Now what I'm trying to say is, my days have been bad. I don't know what's happening but something is just not right somewhere. With all those work loads, new kids transferred to my class and a brand new class to settle. I'm so tired with so many things in mind. Oh ya, the dance practice happening every two hours. Gosh! Heavy. Have yet to start planning for class activities for next term, have yet to do the scheme of work, the class preparation and most importantly the classroom settings on how to manage the kids in class. Stress.

I shall pack my bag, pack my lunch(save money, i want to go Australia!), iron my clothes, wash face, wash leg, charge my Hp, switch off the lights and off to dreamland.
Goodnight world.

2011-05-30T23:24:00.002+08:00
You know Im fucking pissed of when he's actually angry at something and he vent his anger at me and the next thing i saw on his Fb wall was a girl posting ''hahaha, best poke poke?'' I don't know it just pissed me off. Like what the heck it doesn't seems that you're angry at all! I don't know if i should put it as I'm jealous or i just feel insecure. Maybe more to insecure. I know its kinda lame but hey will you like it if you know your bf is angry and not in a good mood and was kind of rude to you a moment ago so you decided to give him some time to calm himself before getting back to u and the next thing you know.....there's a girl he's been poking? Irritating right? Ok la i know la its fucking lame la! Nonsense la! Whatever la! Go to hell la. Reason for poking was just to disturb. Haa. Fuck it la Mirah. No big deal. He still got the cheek to say no need to be jealous. Let me just stress this once again. I'm not really jealous. I'm just pissed of cause i thought you was in a bad mood and you need some time plus you was kinda rude towards me and you didn't even bother to say sorry or whatsoever and the next thing i know you didn't seems angry at all. So that's what I'm pissed about. He won't get it still even if i explain. Might as well shut my bloody mouth. I don't know what's with you guys but sometimes you guys are really pain in the ass with no feelings, care and concern. Use your brain la! Got brain put wear? Backside ah? Argh, Sorry for the broken English, I can't function. Happy Poking(:

2011-05-29T01:29:00.002+08:00
Initially I thought that my Saturday gonna be wasted since i do not have any plans. He's working and have to attend a birthday celebration or something but he decided not to go and meet me! Meet him and Jurong point, bought MacDonald s and head back to his place before he goes back to camp. I miss him already. Sobs! After which i went to meet my mates at boon lay shopping center, planned to karaoke but ended up sitting at the coffee shop to chit chat. Nice meeting them once in awhile. So that's about it. Saturday is over and here comes Sunday. Again, no plans. I shall sleep the whole day. No work during weekends for me this time round.

Holiday mood! Its term-break so the kids won't be around. However, no holiday for me. Have to go to work as usual to do some classroom changes and paperwork. Its gonna be tough taking two classes and with sooo many kids. I don't know how and I don't know if i can manage furthermore after 3 weeks of holiday i be the kids will be all over the place and im not mentally and physically prepared. I will try though. I'm gonna miss my babies, three weeks of not seeing them but i have their pictures in my wallet and I will look at them everyday. Maybe i should do a home visit. See you soon babies, please be good and don't give me a hard time when school reopens. I love you all despite all the blue blacks! Don't forget to do your Homework !(:

Meeting on Monday. I wonder what will happen during and after the meeting. Better be good! I'm not prepared for any changes to the classroom settings but then again, do i have a choice? Raise up my pay can? OVER-work UNDER-paid you know. Not fair, I'm not asking for so much also what. Now give me two classes still same pay ah?Not fair! Not fair! Not fair! How saddd :(
Goodnight World.

Lets take a ride.

Half - alive

Jar of Hearts

Jambuuuuuu!

Frust tonggek.

The road to success is always under construction.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

ThreeWords.

I will, one day.

Things do not happen. Things are made to happen.

Battlefield.

nightmare, again.

one minute its love and suddenly its like a battlefield.

At bus stop with Ban, wow,

S(he's) br(ok)en.

Tonight, stay with me.

Heart is in the blender.

Its your call.

Cubit nak?

da lah kau gi tido lah!! Tangan ku nanti bz baru kau tau eh..huahaha...

Dearest Azmeer,

Things do not change; we change.

the issue lies within me ;

I is upset.

I am the captain of my soul.

Monday was green.

once upon a time ;

Looking forward to see you baby.

Terima Kasih Cinta ;

Reality are better than dreams.

Eyes always tells the truth.

Never frown because you never know who might be falling in love with your smile ;

I cry, sometimes cause i just need to see life with a clearer view :'(

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you i had no control over.

something within me;

One & only ;

less means more ;

Missing my sexy boy :'(

Sunrise.

Straw and berry.

Boomerang ;

just like you.

^^

renew, realise, let go.

KO

Slapped in the heart.

Missing my man ;

Mmmmm.

Rainbow(:

Silly boy.

Hero.

Here you go

Perfect Two ;

Apple of my eye:)

Tonight, take me away.

rainbow

A lil bit about today.

Ice cream sweetness;

Tonight, take me with you.

I wish i could say I QUIT.

Dropped.

BAD DAY.

Glad you came;

Talking to the moon.

Yesterday isnt today.

Misses.

him.

My Chicken Little.

Di saat aku mencintaimu

Monday :/

I Live My Life For You

Nights like this i wish raindrops would fall to cover my tears ;

Life goes on ;

I'm smiling not because its over. I'm smiling cause i'm glad it once happened.

Confession from the heart.

Nobody's perfect.

sekelip mata kau berubag LESTARI

Sayang.

JUMP DOWN CAN?

sucksbigtime.